A Crypto Trip (or...) Alcoholism and Schizophrenia

We'll call this "REalistic Fiction"

I was stoned in the car in a Wendy's Parking Lot over by Wendy's and Papa Johns. Probably pretty drunk too, but that might have come a little later. We were discussing the dumbasses on the other side of town selling drugs openly on facebook, and thought, that doesn't fucking work. The FBI is already watching alllllll these kids....

What if there was some way to transfer money directly, person to person, online? kinda like a wire transfer, but where both parties remain anonymous.....

"yeah, but how do you know that you're getting what you paid for?"
"Well, you'd have to already know or trust the other person"
"yeah, but what about the person who started it, wouldn't they be on the hook for anything illegal that took place on the network?"
"well, I mean, are we talking legality or morality?"
"both"
I guess you'd have to keep track of what was being done, so if anyone did anything that was illegal AND immoral, then there would be proof of it and that person would have to go to prison for whatever they did. The FBI and the CIA could even be at the top of the game, so they could keep track of it all. Kinda like how undercover agents are allowed to do illegal things as long as it's to get the "bigger fish"
Yeah but still, you could sue whoever designed this system. Ya know, someone could pay for a "hit" on someone else, and then whoever made the system is technically liable for it...

Ok, so we'd have to create an Alias, not even an Alias, just a fictional character who was the "creator" of it

Ok, but what would we, sorry, what would you call this currency?

NO, not a currency, just a system, you could trade in USD.... oh wait... Ok, maybe we would have to have some sort of-

YOU*

Ok, ME, I would have to have some sort of "currency" that's exchanged on the network...

Yeah, but how much would it be worth? And what would you call it?

Idk..... fuckin...... BitMoney

What?

Bits, you know, bits, like, bits of information, like the speed of computers in kb/s or mb/s... the b stands for 'Bit', they're like bytes but a different size.

yeah but Bitmoney? c'mon that's kinda lame.

You're right.... what about Coin?

Coin?

Yeah, you know in Need For Speed Underground, how the "winnings" are called the "purse" as a joke.... It's like Oh, theere are actual coins?! So anyone who hears you talking about it doesn't actually know what you mean. It's like a codeword. It doesn't even have to be worth anything, it could just be a fun codword we use in the crew to fuck with people"

"Colin, i thought this was about helping people, not fucking with them...."

Oh yeah, ok, so we would have to tie it to an actual currency like the USD for it to actually work.... I guess a bitcoin is a dollar?

Nah dude, people would catch on immediately. If you just said "bitcoins" instead of dollars...

yeah you're right, ok.... so it would have to be some arbitrary amount, and it can change based on how many people are using it... Plus we'll need programmers and stuff to write the code so that people can't just hack in and steal your coins.... Also i think Bitcoin should be the Plural of Bitcoin...

Colin, slow down, we're still in the concept phase....

Ok ok, you're right. So how many dollars in a bitcoin? or how many bitcoin in a dollar? Or pizzas, how many pizzas could we buy for a bitcoin.... or how many bitcoin per pizza?

IDK, let's call it 5k bitcoin per pizza.

That works, Ok, I'll trade you guys 10,000 bitcoin for 2 papa john's pizzas... wait no, 5000 for 1 and cash for the other. so it's real. Wait no, 10000 for 2 pizzas, plus I'll pay cash for the pizzas. or wait, do you guys wanna split it with me? How many of us are there? Wait, what if more people show up to the party? Ok, I'll buy 1 of the pizzas, pay for both with 10000 bitcoin, and give you cash for one, you guys can split the cost of the other.

hahahahahahah ok Colin, it's a deal.

Wait, so are we gonna get the pizzas?

yeah dude, D works at papa john's he can just bring them over after work.

Nah dude, we need them now, i'm fuckin' hungry, I've had way too much to drink for how much food I've eaten in the last several days, like for real. I need some food, i think i'm dying...

You probably are....

WAAAAT?! I said that as a joke, am I actually dying?

If you've only been drinking and not eating, dude, yeah.

But I thought alcohol had calories so you didn't ahve to eat! Guys, how long have I been drunk for?! No, seriously, how many days have we been drinking?

We haven't Colin, you have. And we haven't been with you for every meal....

Oh shit, guys I think I need food or I'm gonna die.

Colin, calm down, you're not gonna die immediately, you just need to eat some food, we'll get some really soon, I promise.

Ok, L, I trust you, but you have to promise to make me eat before I die, Cuz when we go back to your house I'm for sure gonna start drinking again.... or keep drinking... Idk what the difference is at this point.

Ok Colin, 2 pizzas for 10,000 Bitcoin.

These better be good FUCKING pizzas.... (half sarcastically, half too hammered to know what the fuck is going on)

................

Ok guys, I feel like I need to go home and get some sleep.

L: COLIN NO! EAT SOME FUCKING PIZZA!!!!

What? WE HAVE PIZZA!!?!?!?! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME, I'VE BEEN WAITING HOURS! DAAAAYSSSS

dude, we already told you, you just forgot....

oh, ok, that makes sense, sorry I yelled. I'm behaving badly, I should probably go home,

CCCOOOOLLLLLINNNNN, EAT A FUCKING SLICE OF PIZZA! i'M GONNA FORCE FEED IT TO YOU IF YOU DON'T EAT IT RIGHT NOW.

Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try....

Colin, why don't you want to eat some pizza?!

Because you said I had to.... that's a challenge right?

NO COLIN I'M NOT CHALLENGING YOU, I'M MAKING SURE YOU DON'T DIE, YOU TOLD US YOU HAVENT EATEN IN DAYS.

WAAT?! that doesn't sound accurate. What day is it?

Saturday (?)

OH MY FUCKING SHIT, HOLY GOD HOLY SHIT, I NEED TO EAT OR I'M GONNA DIE!
YEAH DUDE THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ALL FUCKING NIGHT!

ok, i should probably go get some sleep.

collapses on the bean bag chair

"Here ya go buddy, eat this"

AAAAAAAAANDDDDDDDDDD SCENE.