Bitcoin, You're Killin' Me!
There I was on December 22 at 8:30 in the morning desperately trying to buy Bitcoin on Coinbase while the crypto world was in crash and burn mode. Truth be told, I had been at it for an hour or so and was growing frustrated watching my purchase orders getting shot down like a Kamikaze pilot in a hot air balloon.
"Your order was not processed. Please try again."
"BASTARDS!" I thought.
The price of Bitcoin tanks and now I want to use that money I had been saving FOR MONTHS...but of course I can't get my order filled because the exchange is overwhelmed.
So I kept clicking the buttons like an epileptic monkey and suddenly....voila! (not viola).
"HFS, man. I'm in!" I thought to myself, "The crypto gods are smiling on me today!"
So I added to my Bitcoin stash and, more importantly, did it at the price I wanted.
Of course, this is where the story changes for the worse.
As fate would have it, I had recently opened a new account on Binance because I couldn't increase the withdrawal limits on Poloniex. For starters, I didn't like the idea of giving out more personal information just to withdraw my own money. But truth be told, after providing all that information and making a zillion attempts to take a clear Driver's License picture with my archaic desk top computer and its outdated and useless camera, Poloniex had had enough and shut down my ability to increase those limits. Sons-a-bitches!
Yes, yes...I sent them my sob story and hoped they'd give me ONE....MORE....CHANCE...to do it right. But it's been weeks since I contacted "customer" support, so I gave up and took my business elsewhere.
"God diddly old dankle damn!" I thought. "I guess I'll go ahead and move this operation to Binance -- with its lousy charting platform -- since Poloniex -- and its pretty lousy charting platform -- won't even respond." The whole situation reminds me of a girlfriend I had in high school who dumped me after two weeks. I BEGGED her to take me back, and guess what happened? That low rent, dog-faced hill-billy wouldn't even reply to my request.
And so on December 22, at about 8:30 AM, I had all the Bitcoin I needed and was ready to make the transfer to my new girl friend...er uhh, I mean exchange account.
On a side note, I have to admit that I like to be thorough and careful with my Crypto, so I decided to send a tiny fraction of Bitcoin to my new account to see if I had everything straight.
"What the hell?! Why did it cost me .00226 Bitcoins to send a mere .0001 Bitcoins to my new account?"
In essence, I spent $26.00 (USD) in fees to transfer a mere $1.00 worth of Bitcoin! That's what Wind In His Hair calls "A...BAD...TRADE." But like the tool I am, I went ahead and sent the remaining bulk of Bitcoin to my new account and incurred YET ANOTHER $26 "frigally fracken" fee.
So what's the morale of this story? Simple:
Never put yourself in a position where you're begging a buck-toothed, nano-brained, cross-eyed, static-haired, horse-faced, gorilla-shouldered nitwit for a second chance...and have your friends find out...and then all of HER friends find out.
As for Bitcoin's outrageous fees. I don't even care anymore!