Poopy ALT Coins vs. "Legit" ones - Bitcoin, Ethereum, Litecoin, etc

Ok ok ok.

Call me a freakin' skeptic but I'm really curious - what makes a "Bitcoin" better than "Ethereum Classic"?

Other than market capitalization - what are the benefits of coins like Augur or Dogecoin?

I mean - seriously - Dogecoin was created based on a friggin' MEME!?

Is digital currency the new Tulipmania?

Please explain and defend your position.