Be reassured that the path you decided for your life is yours. You can't look into other people's lives and understand any of the "now" for them because they designed that in every moment you were not present for. If there is something you want that is different that your current now, focus that into your future and move in that direction -- no one can predict what will be or will not be -- we can only imagine and that is all the mind needs to shape its reality. Focusing on what makes you "feel" terrible in these moments won't be the thing that makes you feel better or be better in the future. Morn, feel sad, feel -- maybe -- what you think could have been but move toward what you want and leave "regret" for those that don't understand that time is a man made concept and only this moment is "true".