\o

Well, well, well... it would appear that I'd gone rogue for quite some time now. No hard feeling fellow #Steemians, it's just, after writing those post's on the floor of an empty room, my loud old school tower, and a monitor (50sumodd inch flat screen) held up by cinder blocks, retaining access to my Steemit account during my "move" had slipped to the very back of my priorities list. I lost access completely in fact... Woah is me as, boo hoo, thanks for all this space to cry about it. However, being the pity party pooper I am, I'd like to thank the fine people of this platform for not spamming or going ham on my posts in the comment's while I've been unable to log in. It's actually quite laughable how I found my self locked out, keeping the old tower in my closet, awaiting the day I turn it on and try to find the old #Ethereum I so stupidly saved in an #Etherscan address link on my desktop. Probably long gone by now considering the repair shops that I've taken it too that could never do anything for it. Lol I feel like it serves better as a conversation starter about crypto now more than anything. I'll probably have it displayed one day in like a big case.
The old computer isn't the only thing I'd suffer losing over the last four and a half years. The worst of all? The worst of all was losing the girl. Yeah, and I don't even get to sit here and make it out to be like it was her fault. To me, she was the "One" and I don't know if she wanted to hurt me because I was hurting her? Or our last fight was just too out of hand she thought I would hurt her? Love is #insanity, and as sorry as I am that her and I couldn't make it through, I can only hope that I'm wrong about that... Like, after everything, I just really fucking hate myself for what happened between us. It was obviously a very confusing time for everyone in the crypto space, and she hated that I was a part of it. She'd yell trying to break my focus to "Hodl" bitcoin, and I'd just talk my shit to her as if Bitcoin we're the most important thing in the world. And we went for month's like that, ugh it was so bad. We finally snapped back into two individuals and went our separate ways. Idk if she wish's we could have held or not. During the inauguration of Biden believe it she sent me a message. Over twitter, but it was surprising none the less. When we "split"...
So, I just received call from "No caller ID". . . Annoying, sometimes I make believe that's her, calling at odd time's, just to hear if I'm okay. . . Bleh,
Anyway, when we split, it was not pretty. It was goddamn sad, embarrassing, incredibly damaging, and not to mention, my body or #brain thing has all kinds of #problems, I am not normal. I've been labeled as #Bipolar 1, #Schizophrenic, #schizoaffective, back to bipolar with #schizoaffectivefeatures. Like, woah, "I was million times fucked up while she was a million time's too good for me". I don't know, I guess I'm still pretty torn up over her. Now, I don't want everyone to write me a paragraph about how "You'll find another girl just as special" kinda stuff. I don't want another girl just as special, that's rude to say about her anyway. I just, I'm taking my time getting my life back to normal because the only issue her and I had was my cycling. And I aint talking about riding a bike, capeesh? I don't know what she's up to, idk why she contacted me cuz I was kinda scared to be honest... And eventually, idk I guess it started going the wrong way as we tried to idk fit to a schedule for eachother. But it was just me, being let down. I still want to love her, she was trying to hide me from someone that had proposed to her... I didn't want it to go down like that... It pissed me off that she wanted it to go down like that? Or didn't, or what? IDK, it's a lot to think about. She knows I haven't given up.
I basically told her the future and it's so stupid. I'm not putting the actual quote here cuz it's embarrassing but damn. Everything was true that I said, more than just #Bitcoin's gonna go through the roof, which it did Rolls eyes. I told her about her next relationship, I told her about my next relationship, I told her she would change her mind about marriage and not wanting kids. That's essentially all, all the details, they are unimportant lol. It was fun to live though. Meh, I'll miss her for the rest of my life. Although, I think she is holding out for me. She somehow got in touch with my friends, or my friends got in touch with her? Hmm...
Look, IDK, I'm one of those guys that just drops off the radar and comes back when this are messed up.
"4 year's in to 5 bittersweet" is the quote she want's to hear.
I don't even remember the date we officially split.
I just remember the night we met.
Halloween, she was a cat... rolled up in a Conga Line of other chick's, all cute, whatever, this girl's eyes, smile, cute little cat ears, and all black top and skirt I'm pretty sure lol.
I was wearing regular clothes and had a Jason mask pulled up on my head.
She wanted me no doubt, and so went our night...
Drinking, dancing, smoking, dancing, laughing, catching eachother looking at eachother lol, no doubt I wanted her.
However, being the bar we were at was a #GayBar, I had to peel another girl off of her just to state that "This Mine.", Thank you kind lesbian girl that gave me her number earlier, no you will not be leaving with us, bye bye.
and so the night went. Come to think of it... That's probably how it's going to go this time time too.
You see, She and I aint done... I feel she still love's me. Why else would she delete her twitter after messaging me? Very Recently all the messages started to disappear. It's so stupid if I think about what happened in January. So much to say, yet so much to lose. see I don't have a Facebook. So I have all these other stupid things like Twitter, and TikTok and Instagram, I'll probably put some links in here.
Idk, just a lot of ranting on and on about a b. This all for now. Ty