Blue Eyes

The first time I saw her blue eyes, was the moment my life changed. I had honestly forgotten what it was like to be in love and to care for another person. My usual feeling towards women was, simply put, LUST. I was a jerk, I only wanted to get in, get off and get out. Once the sex was over, I no longer had a reason to be with them, so I would simply disappear. It was easier. More cowardly, but easier.

"If I hurt them, they can't hurt me." Was my usual BS excuse.

I even "dated" a girl, for a little bit, that lived less than 10 minutes away from me and I rarely, if ever, made the effort to go see her. I simply didn't care. I told you I was a jerk.

Any way. I met this incredible person online, by pure coincidence. I received an e-mail from a dating site, that I hadn't used in about a year. It said that somebody had messaged me. Nobody had ever messaged me first, so I decided to log in and check it out. Why not?

Well, I did not find this person attractive in any way, shape or form. Naturally, I didn't respond, but I did see that I had over 140 matches. So, for kicks, I clicked on the tab and about half way down the first page was this girl with a cute smile, accompanied by a giant pare of sunglasses.

I began looking through her profile and she seemed pretty interesting. She had a fun personality, liked hiking with her dog and really pretty eyes; from what I could tell on my tiny laptop screen. She was no where close to me, so I didn't think it was going to go anywhere. I hadn't had any luck on the site anyway, so I didn't have anything to lose.

We messaged back and forth for, I believe, a couple of months. I enjoyed talking to her. She didn't seem to take anything too seriously, which was actually nice. There was effort, but nothing over bearing. When my account was about to expire, I gave her my number and we continued texting back and forth.

At one point, I don't remember exactly how it came about, but I said I would drive up to see her, so that we could meet. Now, she lived 3 to 3 1/2 hours away from me. The longest I had EVER driven to see somebody was maybe 30-40 minutes! So this was a big step for me.

I made the trip, got into town a little earlier than expected and asked if she wanted to meet up that night or wait until the next day, like originally planned. She agreed to meet that night. AWESOME!

I pulled into the parking lot of the bar/restaurant thing and the moment I turned off my car, my heart began to race. I was nervous! I don't get nervous. What is this nonsense?

I opened the door and standing before me was this beautiful woman with the most captivating eyes I had ever seen in my entire life. I don't know if the light hit them just right or what, but they seemed to glow the most brilliant blue imaginable. The waters of the Caribbean couldn't even touch the exquisite beauty that are the windows to her soul.

www.carnival.com

Time stopped, thankfully, because I couldn't remember how to speak. I must've said something though, because she responded and then we followed the hostess to a table. I couldn't tell you exactly what we talked about that night, I know we touched on politics, religion and couple other no-no's, but it didn't seem to matter. We had this comfort with each other, where we could talk about anything.

Sadly we didn't last and as short as our time together was. I was grateful for every single minute of it.
When she wanted to break up, it crushed me. I begged for a second chance. I pleaded for her to give us a shot. I had never done anything like that before. It was not a great feeling, but I didn't regret my effort. The only thing I do regret is not communicating better. Had I done that... who knows? I do wish she had communicated that my lack of communication was a problem sooner, but it's too late now.

During our time together, I never felt like I deserved her. She was too good for someone like me. She deserved somebody better. That's not how she came across, that was how I felt about myself. That I wasn't good enough for her. Maybe, that's why things didn't work out, I don't know. Maybe it was the universe punishing me for being such an ass hole in the past. All I can do at this point is speculate.

Either way, she got me out of that ass hole funk that I was in and now I'm able to open up and connect a lot more easily than before. I suppose I should thank her.

But whomever does get the honor of marrying this incredible person, I hope he realizes how lucky he truly is, to be able to wake up every single morning to that smile and those beautiful blue eyes.

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