How Ayahuasca Changed Things

Years ago, I had first heard of Ayahuasca. I had researched it, and had read that it was a successful form of treatment for people suffering from PTSD and many other issues. I had also read that it could be a pretty miserable experience. Knowing I was about to start a new chapter of traveling in an RV, I wanted to start this journey with a new mindset. I didn’t want to go travel, only to be stuck with the same PTSD symptoms that I’ve had for years. Maybe Ayahuasca could help with that…

I took a gamble, and booked a 2-week Ayahuasca retreat in Peru, a month before I was planning to travel away in my RV. I wasn’t sure what I exactly wanted to gain from this retreat, but just had a feeling that I’d be in a better place afterwards. Overall, I wanted to work on my anger and irritability, and also break down some emotional walls that I felt I had up. I left my German Shepherd behind with Laura, and flew from LAX to Lima to Iquitos, Peru. I arrived in Iquitos and quickly found a taxi to get to my hotel in downtown. This was not your typical downtown. There were dogs running loose, crazy traffic, and trash scattered all over the place. Not what you’d expect when you think of Peru. I would be here for one day, so I spent the afternoon strolling around the market.

A few other people who were also going to the retreat congregated at the hotel. We were picked up from the hotel and had a 40-minute drive to a boat launch. We took a 20-minute boat ride to the rain forest, where we would then hike in the 90-degree temperatures for another hour to get to the temple/camp. Thankfully they had helpers to carry our bags.

When we arrived, we all received floral baths. While sitting on a stoop, the women would pour water filled with flower petals all over your shoulders and back. It was almost like a sponge bath, minus the sponge. Lunch was chicken, rice, and fruit. We then all congregated in the large yurt (Maloka), where we shared introductions. There were 19 of us in all. We were given the numbers to our huts, where I went and unpacked. I had been sweating ALL day, so being able to shower felt nice. Dinner was a bland soup. Part of the Ayahuasca process is “dieting” before arriving and throughout the time you’re there. The purpose of only eating certain foods is to cleanse your system and prepare it for it to receive Ayahuasca.

My first night of sleep was pretty crappy. It was SO humid, that everything felt sticky. It was pretty amazing to hear all the animal sounds in the jungle though, almost like a surround sound.

We had a meeting the next day, learning about the ceremony, as we would all be partaking in 7 of them. We also had our first “vomitivo,” where you drink lemon grass and a big bowl of warm water, making you vomit several times. The point of this is to clear out your system. By that evening, it was time for the first ceremony. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but felt ready.

The ceremonies were held in the Maloka. During the ceremony, you drink a shot glass of Ayahuasca and then lay or sit on your mat. I didn’t experience any hallucinations or visions this night, but felt close. I was getting worried about having to be here for 9 more days! Part of me wanted to just go home, eat normal food, and live with my problems… but that’s not why I came.

Ceremony 2 was MIND blowing! Just wow. At first it was honeycomb visuals, but when I sat up and opened my eyes, I saw an empty expanse. It was almost like a void, but I had a very bright light in my head, which I perceived as my soul. I saw that this body was just a shell for our spirits. I was then flooded with emotions, and so much love, which I hadn’t felt in over 10 years. Everything became clearer. I wanted to leave the ceremony right then, go make phone calls, and tell everyone I loved them. After that flow of emotion, I started to come down and relax for the rest of the ceremony.

Each day we had a group meeting discussing how the ceremony went. There was a mix of experiences, some good, some neutral, some bad. Although some people had “scary” or bad experiences, it was good in the sense that they needed to deal with their demons. Overall, I was feeling really good. I felt love for my Mom and my Dad, where typically I felt anger or resentment. I felt love for Laura and felt grateful for having her in my life. That night we had plant remedy drinks and would return to the ceremony the next evening.

Ceremony 3 was all over the place. It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t feel like I made any progress. I even took a second shot of Ayahuasca, but I never truly disconnected. After I left the Maloka, I chatted with a few people, but then felt like I was being stalked; like a negative force was following me. When I got back to my hut, I turned on all the flashlights and lanterns and stayed up until I felt better.

The following day I had a visit from Orange Slice, the jungle cat. I let him hang out with me in my hut until Ceremony 4 began.

This was the most interesting ceremony. I saw a lot of visions for the first time. It showed me leaving this retreat, making the journey out of here alone, and beginning my travels in my RV. Again, I saw lots of love and felt like I was walking through decades of life and death, but in a natural, positive way. I saw plants dying and growing repeatedly, and felt water splashing all over me.

After the ceremony, I spoke with one of the facilitators and told him I wanted to leave the retreat early, and naturally, he tried to talk me out of it. I felt that I had received the direction I needed and felt complete with this journey. I didn’t have a need for 3 more ceremonies at this time.

The next morning, I packed up and went back to talk with the facilitators. They still urged me to stay, but I felt my decision to leave deep inside. I felt much more clear after the 6 days I spent there, and felt I needed to walk out by myself to prove that. The group didn’t want me to leave, as they said I was the most cheerful person there, and I’m sure they were worried that the group dynamic would change. I promised them I’d stay in touch.

Upon returning to Iquitos, I found a hotel room for the night. The first thing I did was text Laura, telling her to Skype in. She was confused, knowing I wasn’t supposed to have any Wi-Fi or cell service for 7 more days. I told her I was leaving early. That my walls had come down. That I had been an idiot. That I loved her, and wanted to be with her. And so I flew back early, and that is when our new chapter began…