"Pineapple doesn't belong on pizza"

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Listen, I'm not going to shove a Hawaiian pizza down your throat if pineapple on pizza isn't your game. I'm not the biggest fan of tuna. Yet somehow despite not liking it, I don't lose my God damn mind I see someone order a tuna sub at Subway. I don't call it an "abomination". Wanna know my secret?

Unlike you dipshits I understand people have different tastes and palates.

Fucking incredible I know.

What honestly amazes me about this whole "pineapple doesn't belong on pizza" meme is:
a) how long this shit has actually lasted (I mean, relative to normie trends); and
b) I honestly thought that ham and pineapple was the bitch pizza which that one friend made you get when you're ordering for a party because even meatlovers is too much of a mix of flavours

Come on son, how fucking vanilla are your tastes when the bitch pizza is too rich of a melody of sensations that you have to vigorously complain about the mere mention of it? It's like the "this guacamole is too spicy because I'm white" joke but not a joke and actually people being serious.

So besides people saying it's a "putrid" combination, why do people dislike it? I don't know, you think people explain this shit? The only time I've seen someone actually somewhat explain it was I once saw someone post:

"You cannot mix sweet and savory together" ~ Some uncultured swine 2017

Do I have to explain why this is wrong? If I did, would the people who do not understand have the mental capacity to understand? Probably not.

"But they are probably just being hyperbolic and making a joke! No need to take it so seriously!"

Probably true. However:

• It wasn't funny the first time I heard it, a year or so later it hasn't grown on me yet.
• You still are complaining about it because you have a baby's taste palate.
• This is slightly hyperbolic as well xd.
  
  

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"...And a Diet Coke"

Just as something else that irks me in relation to what mouth breathers have to say about my personal food tastes, when people do the highly original joke of someone ordering something incredibly unhealthy from a fast food place then adding "a Diet Coke" because the fat person therefor believes since Diet Coke someone has negative calories so eating a ball of heart failure is canceled out.

I'm not going to be that guy who blames a bad metabolism for their weight, I eat like shit and barely exercise and I understand that but I also don't give a shit. However, having a good metabolism doesn't mean you know jack shit about nutrition more than me. You eat like me, you exercise even less than me (I walk instead of drive because I'm too cheap to buy a car). Motherfucker you ordered the sugary Coke with your meal, somehow that makes you more enlightened than me because you get a bottle of sugar with your meal? I couldn't be fucked to actually do any maths on this, but I'm pretty sure I'm cutting out a lot of calories by getting the Diet Coke.

"But Diet Coke has aspartame and I read somewhere on a Facebook meme page ran by a 45 year old house wife who put Minions on the picture that aspartame has more calories than sugar and causes heart attacks so regular Coke is actually the healthier option!"

Yeah, but I'd need to drink an insane amount for that to be an issue and if I drank that much soda as is I'd probably be dead anyway. My source on that was a vine of someone dancing to a song overlayed with the text "Feels when I leave work" which I personally find to be more credible than a Minion quote.

But want to know the best part? I still don't give a shit about the calorie content of the beverage. Want to know why I buy the Diet Coke over the regular variety? I prefer the taste. That's it. In my opinion regular Coke tastes like syrupy garbage whereas Diet Coke is crisp and refreshing. Drinking the sugary shit feels like drinking a meal on its own. It makes me feel sick. Feels like I just ate an entire bag of Skittles in one sitting (and I fucking love Skittles).

All I'm saying is that sugar doesn't belong in cola xd. Ban it. My tastes are the only tastes.

In the meantime, have a lovely night, have a lovely life and find a lovely wife :)

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