None of These Dating Terms are New

I just read an article about a “new dating trend” called “freckling” which means seeing someone only for the summer months.

Yeah.

This ain’t new. It’s called a summer fling.

In fact, none of these trendy dating terms represent anything actually new in dating. They’re just new names for old tricks.

Ghosting = going on a date and never speaking to or seeing them again.

This is not exclusive to online dating or the advent of technology. People have always done this. It was a lot easier to do before smart phones and social media. You could roll into town, meet someone at a bar, wine and dine them, bone and leave, never to be heard from again. Smart phones have just made the whole thing stickier by giving you “connections” and access to these assholes, so you waste time contacting them and questioning your worth as a person when they never reply.

Bottom line: anyone who dates you for any length of time and ghosts you is a worthless asshole. Don’t waste your time repeatedly contacting them or wondering what you did wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong, they were never looking for anything more. Flip them the bird and move on with your fabulous life.

Benching = putting someone on the back burner.

Again, nothing new here. You’re dating someone you think is pretty alright but you aren’t crazy about them and you’re wondering if there’s a better match out there, so you don’t let them go, but you’re not fully invested either. This is also called “dating”. Everyone should be going on dates with many people in order to find the best match. A more sinister version of benching is actually breaking up with them but giving them hope that you might return by saying things like “I’m not ready for something serious right now but I’m open to that changing”, thus securing a “sure thing” if the other people you date don’t work out.

Bottom line: Don’t be someone’s back-up plan and don’t stop dating people until you agree to be exclusive with someone. If someone dumps you, don’t list to anything else they have to say. Don’t hold on to hope. Walk away. Save yourself and your sanity. If they really want you back, make them work for it. Because they should after rejecting you. And do NOT stop going on dates until you and one of those dates have an actual conversation and agree to be exclusive with each other. Don’t assume you’re exclusive, don’t assume you’re only sleeping with each other, don’t assume you’re in a relationship. If a man wants to date you and be exclusive with you he will make that clear to you. Keep going on dates until then.

Friend-zoning = they’re not interested in dating you

This is simple rejection. They don’t want to be anything more than friends. It becomes a problem and “friend-zoning” when you won’t accept that rejection, and you decide you’re going to change their mind by being nice, doing things for them, having long heartfelt talks with them, and they don’t change their mind, because they were never going to. If someone turns you down and you keep going after them, you’re the asshole, not them.

Bottom line: Oh, boohoo, they don’t want to have sex with you, they only like you as a friend. Get over it. If someone has rejected your romantic advances then stop hanging out with them. They’re not going to change their mind and you’re only going to hurt yourself by hanging on and hoping. So stop pretending you ever wanted to be friends with them in the first place. Walk away, man.

Cuffing = needing a date for the holidays

This is a convenience relationship where you pretend to be into someone so you have someone to get a Christmas present and a New Years Eve kiss from, and then promptly dump once the pressure to bring someone home to the family is over. Nothing new here.

Bottom line: be aware of how intensely anyone wants to date you around the holidays. If you’ve been dating for three days and they want you to meet their family, run. They’re just looking for a trophy or a place holder. You will be re-gifted.

R-Bombing = ignoring texts and messages

Nothing new here either, man. People have always ignored answering machine messages, letters, flowers, smoke signals, and mental telepathy. They’re also avoided being home, and stayed away from any places they thought this person might show up.

Bottom line: stop contacting someone who is ignoring you. Buy a clue. They’re not interested. Stop embarrassing yourself.

Got more “new” names for tired old dating trends? Throw ’em at me! I’ll take a crap on those in essay form, too.