Break out of self-imposed limits
In other words, get over yourself
I haven’t written anything on Medium in well over a month. I hadn’t planned it that way. Life just happened.
But today I got an email from a student that sparked me to share the response more widely.
For context: I teach public speaking to college students. I have been doing this for over 30 years for somewhere between 8,000 and 10,000 students. Most of them believe themselves uniquely and unusually frightened of public speaking, though only in Lake Wobegon can everyone be above average.
This particular student emailed saying, “I’m not good at public speaking,” asking me if I was just going to fail her for that. The response is not just about public speaking, of course, but about so, so many things. Perhaps this will help you in some way. I hope it helps her.
(Note: I’ve made sure that no personally identifying details remain to protect the student’s privacy.)
It’s under your control
Dear Student:
You say, “I’m not good at public speaking” the way you might say, “I’m five foot seven inches tall,” as if it is a characteristic that cannot be changed. Public speaking isn’t a characteristic; it is a skill. Like any other skill, it is subject to change.
Michael Jordan wasn’t born “good at basketball.” In fact, he tried out for his high school team and didn’t make the cut. Through studying the fundamentals of basketball, observing other players, following the directions of coaches, and practicing, he reached the top of the game.
We don’t expect you to strive for or to achieve the equivalent at public speaking with a single class, any more than he reached the pinnacle of basketball through one PE class. But let’s get clear on how this works. You imply that I do something like this: you get an A if you are six foot four, a B if you are six foot even, etc. Is that really how you think education or training works?
I have never failed a single student. I have had many who failed, however. It is not up to me. It is up to you.
The criteria for grading clearly outline what it takes to earn an A, a B, etc., and I have no doubt you are capable of it. You don’t “suck at it,” as you put it. You just haven’t yet done what you need to do to be effective.
I’m not going to insult your intelligence by patting you on the head and “giving” you points for scoring a goal when you haven’t come close to the backboard. It doesn’t help you for me to agree that you just can’t do it, and we’ll record points you didn’t earn. I will, however, help you adjust your stance, pay attention to your follow-through, etc., and when you sink the shot I will happily record the score.
You also have to figure out how your unique characteristics interact with the standards. A six-foot tall player just has to maneuver differently and shoot differently than a seven-foot player, but the standards remain the same.
Basketball isn’t even a good metaphor, since factors such as coordination and size affect it, and there is no such limitation on speaking — at least, none that affect you. You have a brain. You have a mouth. That is all that is required. You just need to figure out how to use your unique brain and mouth with all their inherent characteristics.
Many people have experienced “going blank” in front of an audience. Your response doesn’t need to be, “I can’t do it.” Like those thousands before you, the more effective response is, “What kind of notes do I need to not go blank? What kind of rehearsal do I need to do? How can I prepare for going blank?”
You may not ever love it, although you would be surprised at the people who have come through my classes who started out hating it and developed a love for it. But you are not simply a victim of fate, nor are you subject to the whims of a teacher grading you over factors you cannot control.
You ask what you need to do to make passing the class happen. Simple. Read the textbook, read the online material, watch the example speeches, look at the criteria for grading, follow the checklists. Perhaps most importantly, watch your own videos as if you were watching someone else, and focus on improving one thing each time. Everything you need to know is as available to you as it is to every other student.
I can see from the reports that you are, in fact, reading. Of course, don’t just read it — do it. And I am confident that you are able to do what is needed. Just let go of the notion that your speaking skills are ingrained like eye color.
P.S. I have had several students who took medication for anxiety learn to do well at this, including one who now makes his living speaking. It depends on how you approach it. It’s not what happens to you, but what you think about what happens to you that determines your experience.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : https://selfscroll.com/break-out-of-self-imposed-limits/
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