20 Things I Learned in My 20's - Lesson 16: Acceptance

Lesson 16: Acceptance

I Know Best

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like the other person wasn’t hearing you? Have you ever wanted your coworkers or team to just listen to you? Inner monologue saying, I know what’s best and yes, you have a perspective, but my perspective is first! Ever feel like each “Battle” was important to win? Have you felt unheard and diminished, like your needs or vision were never being met? And the harder you try, the more it slips away from you? And thus, the cycle continues.

The more you assert your needs, the more it pushes people away. And all the more you grope so disparagingly desperate and grasping at things beyond your reach, which leave you empty and alone: unheard, unseen, disempowered, and misunderstood.

Have you ever waited for the other party to extend a hand first? Waited and waited for others to meet you where you are? Stubborn to the very marrow of your body, those bones that hold up life on this very delicate house of cards of being right and winning. The frustration and angst weigh heavy as I demand others to understand me, or for the situation to be different than it currently is.

Carl Jung said, “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”

The more we resist things as they are, fight for them to be different, the more it will be. On an intellectual level, I understand this, but on a deeper level, it has been some time to get to an understanding. And even now, I am writing this to parse my own understanding out on paper.

I’ve read Taoism, Buddhism, and different philosophies on all levels, including kitschy empowering motivational quotes on Instagram, that share this sentiment and I’ve nodded and very sturdily agreed that Mmm yes.. accept and let be but truly, I find it difficult to apply and wrap my mind around because I actually DIDN’T GET IT.

Strong-arming Life

Right off the bat, something you have to know about me is I am on a journey of improvement. My modus operandi since forever has been growing even though it hurts - to strive, strive, and STRIVE to do and be better. For me to accept something as it is, sounds like a death sentence. Why the f*ck would I strive to just let things be? That sounds counterintuitive to what my life is about! Well, I was missing something crucial in this journey. I wasn’t really getting why the very first step, acceptance, must be the first step.

Ok, let’s pause. So previously, the situation as it was, was not good for me. I did not want it. I resisted it. I fought it by insisting others see it my way first, then I would consider their perspective.

Others must meet me where I am before I will follow in kind. The part that doesn't work there is I am trying to change what is to what I want it to be. While this view is normalized, if you really think about it, it is almost delusional. Instead of paying mind to what is, I focus on what it is NOT, creating a reality of what isn’t even there!

This should be-reality is not even true! I am looking at what it should be and insisting that what is not even true, be some way that it is not! It is hysterical madness at its root.

The Secret

By placing the situation in this box of what it should be, I do not allow for what is AND the possibility of what it could be. Preemptively, I place the cart before the horse to control and dominate a situation when instead I could dance with life. To be at ease with what is and allow ease into my being, to allow opportunity into a space I did not even know existed.

What changes around accepting? Why is that Acceptance is such a key ingredient? Once I accept and let be, I let Discovery occur. Uncover

and see what is there for me. What is truly there. Then, I can take a deeper look into the situation in all its facets and uncover what I may be missing. There, I find true listening to the other party and my own heart.

Accepting and letting be creates space for Truth and Discovery. From there, I am grounded in a place where I can choose. I am making a choice. Choice is powerful.

Choice, as defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary, is the opportunity or power to choose between two or more possibilities. Ah hah! The power to choose between two or more possibilities. When I accept and let be, I allow for discovery, and in that space of discovery arises possibility. Opportunity I did not know existed is able to manifest into the horizon. I create space in my life and surroundings.

So how do I implement this new challenge? It asks for patience and understanding, coming from a place of love and peace. For my self and others.

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