art and confidence
I'm falling down this hole again
and again
the questions will never stop
and then
I just need to paint
to find some silence
to find some peace
might be back? I'm not sure. I had some interesting past months, some selfdoubt, some questions for the future.
One of my main topics is: Will I ever have enough time to paint. More important: Will I ever find enough motivation to use my free time productively? Will I ever be good enough?
I need to find some peace with being invisible. With time I might reach out and create some community around me.
Right now I cannot concentrate on growing some digital numbers. I need to focus on growing for myself.
Hi :) This is like my perspective. I used to think in terms of 'to have'. To have success, to have skills, to have a good job, etc... Or you may change the word to 'achieve'. But in the end is always the by product I seek. The by product of hard-work, the by product of study, the by product of discipline. What I mean is I used to seek the end of the path and not to walk the path itself. So I questioned myself just as you do. And the answer is always the same. The key is to enjoy the ride not the goal. Enjoy the process. Focus on working and practice. The more time you invest, the better you'll become and faster. Any change we seek in the world, irremediably comes from within us first, and is the hardest part. When looking for quality there's nothing better than to study. And study is 80% of the time tedious haha. But pays off big time. Also I value time to spend with family, friends and mostly alone. Because these experiences also play an important role in the things we express through art.
So don't push yourself too hard, just learn to let go and flow. I just looked at your blog and there are these pencil sketches that are so flowy and beautiful, really cool. The pencil work is so loose and relaxed yet strong and expressive. So you have that flowy thing inside. Those sketches tell. I wish to see more of those. Also they are very storytelling inclined. Awesome! Hugs my fiend :)
Yes 'the road is the goal' or something used to be one of those quotes that made me angry for some reason. But then I started to be more mindful of my thoughts and feelings and I realized how impatience dominated me. No wonder I felt anxious most of the time.
I try to be more at peace with my art. To be patient to go small steps. I still catch myself thinking 'I should sketch faster' or 'when I do x pages a day this book could be finished sooner'. It's pointless really, rushed sketches don't make me happier. In fact I've done some sketches recently where I took some time and I've been more at peace and happy with the result in the end.
At this point it's not easy to shut my inner critique and just flow all the time. But it's getting better and I want to believe that I will be at some better place tomorrow and the day after. It already helped me to post again. This community especially feels more real than other places these days. I'm grateful to be here :)
Thank you for all your kind words and for sharing <3
Tooootallyy! I'm the same, always rushing things and pressuring myself about doing more art and faster. Super anxious also. And you're right is super difficult to shut thoughts up and just flow. And also right about this community feels nicer. Anyway I hope to see more of those cool flowy sketches of yours :D
Ahh I know the feeling I've been in a "hole" myself for a while😞
Though I guess here my answer to one of your questions: It's okay to not use your free time for productivity and use it for yourself. You're not a machine that needs to constantly be productive
But yes definitely don't concentrate on digital numbers because their not a measurement of your worth
Ahh I'm not sure what else to say since I'm not good with words so I leave you a hug and a heart hugs❤
thank you for your kind words :)
one of my problems is that I lost the ability to do 'nothing' without feeling bad. And it's a gateway to making my depression worse most of the time. I think there is a very very fine line between 'doing nothing' or 'being lazy' and sometimes I have to remember that I can also have fun being productive xD I never thought that managing time and doing stuff would be so difficult but here we are xD
I think with time I will find my freedom again. Right now I'm just glad that there are people that can relate and understand :) <3
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@lioba! you are here <3 aaah i missed you~
such an expressive post, the art and the poem, and your write up.... i think these are questions that a lot of us struggle with, and most of us get pretty overwhelmed by them. I hope you know that you're not alone... and that you can find a way to cope with the world, and with art.
digital numbers are not as important as your true self. focus on you, @lioba <3
if you wanna talk, i'm always around~
sending my love,
a spider
thank you so much <3
It's always so nice to hear from you and you are so incredibly supportive ;_;
I think for now I'll try to just post whatever happens, and I guess something will come out of this, and if it's just that I'm creating again :)
<3 thank you again you beautiful creature
If you need to talk about other things that are not art that might be able to help you just breathe or find your centre, let me know ok
im also on instagram and twitter and discord
we can just put our heads together and be silly and push the world in a boundary away from us for a little while :)
and yes, that's fine, isnt it.... for now just post when you can/or whenever post seems to happen and take one step at a time
dont thank me, im just an ordinary person who likes what @lioba has brought to the world and would like to see more of @lioba in the future <3 <3 <3
Yes we can absolutely talk again :)
I'm sorry that I'm so good at hiding, haha
especially when I'm like this socializing is actually hard for me. But it gives me so much <3 I'm just so glad that you haven't forgotten about me and giving me all this love! You are so precious and honestly I'll never know how I deserve your kind support <3
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