Happiness and Dreams
'' ' I'm the king of Salem,' the old man
had said.
'Why would a king be talking with a
shepherd?' the boy asked, awed and embarrassed.
' For several reasons. But let's say that
the most important is that you have succeeded
in discovering your destiny.'
The boy didn't know what a persons 'destiny'
was.
' It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when
they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives
everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to
dream, and yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them
in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince
them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny.'
[...]
' It is a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to
realize your destiny.[...]' ''
~The Alchemist; Paulo Coelho (page 22)
I recently read the fable ''The Alchemist'' written by Paulo Coelho and was really inspired by the way the author described what it means to follow your dream. For me it also means how to be happy and content with your life. I feel like the most people in my age don't know where to go with their lives even though nowadays we have endless possibilities to choose from. Often those people end up in a job they don't really like and complain about a lot of things they need to deal with on a daily basis. When I was younger I was always wondering why so many grown ups had a job they were obviously not happy with but still didn't change anything for the better. As a child I knew what things I liked to do and it was a mystery ro me why you should do somethimg everyday which you don't even like doing. At the same time I also knew that I found (and still find) our planet absolutely beautiful. I admired the flowers, trees, clouds, stars, sun, moon, wind, rain and life itself. I was awestruck by how there was such a diversity of life in nature and how something like the universe did even exist. And I also was deadsure that if such wonderful things were able to exist, I could do whatever I want to do and I didn't need to think about if something is possible or not. The only thing I needed to figure out was how I would accomplish whatever it was I wanted to do. As much as I admired life and the beauty of the world we live in I slowly began to see more evil in this world as I got older. And I quickly realized the most evil thing on earth were us, humans. I couldn't and still can't understand how humans can create so man wonderful things and at the same time so many bad things. People write the most amazing books, whole worlds that want to be discovered on hundreds of pages and when you read them you forget everything else in life; you get soaked up in a story that isn't yours and when you finish it you have to relearn how to live your own life. Music, that can transform the most grey winter days into something as colorful as the rainbow. And people helping each other where they can, laughing, hugging, singing, dancing, kissing and loving each other in so many different ways.
But then, at the same time we destroy our earth, our planet, our home, every day a little bit more. I watched so many documentaries as a child about what we humans do to this beatiful planet that I slowly began to see the bad everywhere. Plastic, that lasts for decades
over decades everywhere in rivers, oceans, forests and the streets; Cars and factories which pollute our air every second we live; killing millions of animals world wide every day just so everyone can buy as much meat as they wish; overfishing the oceans and through that destroying coral reefs so that more and more dead zones appear in the water. And because of that I knew that I want to save this planet from the complete destruction through humans. This is not only our planet, we share this earth with millions of other species whose home we also destroy.
Because I saw life like that I thought I knew what my dream, maybe my so called destiny was. I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
What I have learned from my friends and familiy was that everyone had some dreams and goals like that but as we grow older doubts come in and it seems like many people just stop believing that they will ever live their dream life. They end up in a place they don't want to be in and just arrange themselves with the circumstances. The main thing in their lives are worries and complains; worries about not having enough money, being not good enough, complaining about other people, about their exhausting and boring jobs and so on.
What is it that holds us back from following our dreams and doing something we truly enjoy?
Is it that we chose the wrong path or is it that we have the wrong expectations or even something else?
Like for example knowing that where you are going with your life is not where you truly want to go but you are afraid of changing something. Maybe the pure thought of change and uncertainty is what holds someone back of make a change for better or worse.
But is there really a positive or negative change or is it how we handle the change?
What came to my mind while reading ''The Alchemist'' was that it is not your life or whatever that makes you unhappy or depressed, it is yourself that turns a situation into either a good or a bad one. If someone is constantly turning everything he is experiencing into a bad thing, this person will percieve his life as depressing and he won't be able to be truly happy.
What I try to say is in my opinion it is possible for everyone to be happy with their lives. Everyone can transform their ''exhausting'' job or maybe even their life into something that is worth waking up for every single day. I was for many years in a place where I asked myself why I should wake up and go to school every morning and thought life itself was a burden I wouldn't be able to carry on for a longer time. Numbing myself with things like alcohol on the weekend was bringing some kind of artificial happiness for a short period of time. The years passed by while I couldn't even remember what I did in the last two weeks. But those years that passed by didn't happen in my mind. I did exist but I certainly did not live. I feel like many other people share a similar problem but not many talk about it. In my case I had enough of this horrible existence of mine at some point. Luckily I saw two ways out instead of only one; either I could have killed myself at the young age of 17 or I needed to work on my outlook on life. It is kind of obvious what I chose because I am here writing this post. But don't get me wrong I was struggling a LOT to get out of this place and I still am not completely back in my life. But I work on this every day, with every thought and every breath I take.
What I figured out, for myself at least, is that it is not the circumstances which are the cause of unhappiness or depression, it is your own state of mind. The difference is what thoughts you focus on and how you handle what life throws at you. In my opinion there are always multiple ways to look at a situation and if you can't think of a positive or at least a not negative thing you can learn from certain circumstance you need to search further. Otherwise this negative outlook will add up to other negative thoughts and feelings everyone collects over a lifetime until you drown in those thoughts.
I think to be happy you need to do what you love but at the same time you need to love what you are doing. There is no way you can live a life without any more or less negative impacts from outside, at least in my opinion. But if you love what you are doing so much that those negative things are not strong enough to make an impact on your mood or your motivation to achieve your goals and go after your dreams those things only help you to grow as a person. Find joy in little things in life and trust me, if you learn to see them, there are so many things to be grateful for. In general gratefulness is a big part of my life by now. I am grateful to experience life itself as a human being but at the same time I see the beauty in small things everyday. Maybe it is something like seeing the first blossoms in spring or the sun on your skin, your favourite song on the radio or the nice lunch you had with friends; there are endless things to be happy about but these things need to be truly appreciated to bring happiness.
In the beginning I had to force myself to even think one positive thought a day instead of constantly destroying myself. It was a bit like the 'fake it till you make' kind of way to get out of my depression but it worked out for me. You could say I programmed my own brain into thinking more positively. It is my attidude towards the things that happen in my life that changed completely and as cliché as it sounds, I am 100 % sure that everyone can create their own reality.
So in the end following your dream and happiness go hand in hand in my opinion. The first step to get out of depression is of course to get your will to live back and with that the motivation to work on yourself. That is the hardest step to take I think but it is possible. For me it was that I started seeing some beautiful things again, first and before all it was (paino) music that safed me. There is this guy on YouTube who creates the most amazing sounds in my opinion and there was a little voice in my head that whispered:''This looks fun, I want to be able to do the same thing and feel how much fun it is to play!''. So for the first time in years I started to listen again to my real voice in my head and not that destructive one that I trusted for a long time to tell the truth about me and my life. Since then I was almost constantly listening to his music and starting to play the piano again with a goal in mind. With that I rediscovered my love for creating things and I began to draw again. Instead of showing the world a happy mask of myself I increasingly was able to show my real happy face. Slowly I was able to take my life in a different direction while my life itself didn't change at all. It was just my thoughts that changed and with that my reality changed as well.
I hope this long ass of a post can help someone to maybe change their outlook on their life and make it a little bit better. I was struggling a lot to get the words I really wanted to say down and I still didn't really got everything done. But well since it is my first regular post I am sure I will get better from time to time to don't ramble that much.
If you are someone who is struggling with some kind of depression you should remember that you are not alone with your problems and that there is a way out. It won't be easy and it won't happen in a few weeks. You don't fall into a severe depression in a short period of time and that's why there is no shortcut out of this dark and grey world you are living in right now. But trust me when I say the colors and feelings come back, keep struggling and going forward so at some point you will notice more and more small changes in your daily life.
I would love to hear your opinions on the topic how to become a happier person and what kind of things you learned up until now in your life. I haven't really talked much about that topic in real life and I have almost only my point of view on it so it would be nice to get some new input. Being happy and doing what I really want to do is something I strive to achieve and I think learning from each others experiences is a great way to start with that!
I am also always open for some constructive criticism since I want to get better at writing in an entertaining way!
Thanks a lot for taking some time out of your day and reading until down here, I hope it was worth it :D !
PS: I really suggest to read ''The Alchemist'' if your interested in that kind of stuff. It's a great book in my opinion! :)
This was beautiful. I can only hope I find peace the way you did. It's near impossible with the amount of darkness in people nowadays. I absolutely adore philosophy, and soul searching has always been something I've obsessed over. Finding the answers to the universe, like why are we here? There must be a reason, there MUST be something larger than us... right? I wish I knew because if i did, I would live my life an entirely different way. I think roots are what keep us from following our dreams. I've dreamt of walking across the country, to California, where the sunsets are the best. (I know, I'm insanely cliche) I've had this plan, this dream of mine for over 6 years now, and even when I was homeless and had nothing to lose, I was too afraid to make that plunge and really follow my dreams. Because most of the time, following your dreams is sacrifice. Putting yourself out there is risky and terrifying. What if I fail? So, with nothing to lose, I FOUND something to hold onto, to root myself to, maybe to prevent myself from feeling like a failure, or maybe because I was afraid of being alone. I've seen so much darkness since becoming an adult, it's discouraging. I'm afraid to leave my house at this point because I'm such a trusting person. Either way, sometimes Love feels stronger than Destiny... but I've struggled with this for years. If walking to California to paint sunsets is my destiny, if I can recognize the constant loop of misery the majority of the world puts themselves through, isn't it wrong to ignore it? Knowledge is power, it's a gift from whatever higher power you believe in. So, do I sacrifice the love of my life to follow my destiny? Or, knowing that love is the only thing decent in the world, maybe that's the test. sacrificing your destiny to raise kids in hopes they don't sacrifice theirs. Life is a labyrinth. I'll drive myself mad thinking about it too hard. "That's why we stick to your game plans and party lights, but at night we're conspiring by candle light. We are the orphans of the American Dream so shine your light on me!"
I also noticed your beautiful painting and was curious, is it meant to be a sunset or a sunrise? (:
constructive criticism: spellcheck and proof reading. You're a great writer but you've got a few typos in here I'm sure you didn't notice. It's surprisingly difficult to proofread your own work but if you read it a few times you'll start catching them all. I spent 2 hours proofreading yesterday, it was absurd.
Thank you so much for your reply. I can totally relate to your words. It is really difficult to make a life changing decision. You are constantly asking yourself if this is really the right thing to do or if it will ruin your life. There is always a voice in my head that tells me I will loose something if I make such a decision but I never think about what I might gain. What if this particular decision leads me to people and places I could never even dream of? Right now I am at a point where I say that I don't want to miss out on something. If something appeals to me then I want to find out if it is worth pursuing. In the end I will always gain something. I will know if I loved the experiences that came with that or I will know that it isn't something for me. Otherwise the ''what if I did that'' feeling will haunt me forever.
Stepping out of my comfort zone is the most terrifying thing I have ever done. I am a very introverted and quiet person but I still decided to travel through Sweden completely alone for five month. I worked voluntarily on organic vegetable farms in that time (maybe you know WWOOF? it is the organization I did that with). It is a give and take, during the week I worked for 6 hours a day and on the weekends I was free, I lived on the farms and didn't need to pay anything for that. Because I was alone I needed to open up which gives me kind of a bit anxiety but I regret nothing. I met so many nice and inspiring people and it was the first time in the last 6 years that I didn't have a period of depression in five month!
I guess you are completely right when you say that the fear of failure is holding people back from making the first step. But what about the possibility of success? Isn't it more fun to go through life without constantly fearing to lose something but rather learning and so gaining something each day? Working on your own mindset is a really hard thing but I think it is worth it because it opens doors that you couldn't even see before.
Your dream to go to California sounds wonderful to me. I don't really know anything about you and your life but if I got it right you say it is either your dream or the love of your life. But is there no way to have both? Have you talked about your dream and that you really wish to do that someday? Maybe the person has also dreams but never told you about it and you can start pursuing your dreams together (oh wow that sounds pretty cheesy :D).
Yeah I guess I have to work on my proof reading quite a bit. I did it once directly after I finished the post but I guess without some distance it is pretty much impossible to get every mistake :D
For me personally the painting is more meant to be a sunset because it is in the night when my dreams become more colorful and vibrant. I guess I am a nightowl and I love to look at the stars and the moon. The night is the time when I make decisions more easily and when I am more creative. But at the same time for someone else it could be the sunrise because maybe you can only really appreciate colors and light because you know what the dark feels like. :)
Oh wow ok that was a long reply. I guess I find your writing just as thought provoking as you find mine.
Isn't that the best though? I love philosophical conversations and breaking my mind to bits. Not many people are as deep, it seems. So much nonsense small talk, why not elevate to the deep shit right away? I've found some people are just happier avoiding the idea that anything they've ever known could be wrong... but mostly, people are just vanilla as can be.
That's so dope that you traveled through Sweden on your own, I seriously envy you. I've always figured if i was meant to walk to across the country, I'd need an adventure buddy, and no one was ever dedicated enough to tag along. Have you ever seen "Into the Wild" ? It's all about a man who burns up all his money and walks all the way to Alaska, living only off the land. In the end he carves "Happiness is only real when shared." into his bus and that line has stuck with me ever since. I imagine a lot of your adventure was terrifying, but nonetheless extremely prosperous for your soul. I'd love to do that one day, but the man I adore, and as cliche as it sounds, my soulmate (His voice literally rang like music in my ears when he said his name) wants to stay rooted, we've discussed it a few times and he'd rather drive and have the means to enjoy the entire experience. He actually laughs at my idea of walking he thinks it's insane. He doesn't understand the lessons waiting to be learned on that adventure, he just sees misery and hunger. So I'll probably settle; Wait until I have kid and are old enough to appreciate it and make it a historical learning experience instead. It'll always be my backup plan though. LOL God knows I run from everything eventually. (: The fact that you didn't have a single strip of depression the entire time you were touring the country says everything. Happiness is somewhere else. I'm always chasing happiness and it makes sense. A constant change in scenery is magic to the soul.
The fear of the unknown is terrifying to most people but we recognize that you'll never learn anything if you don't take any risks. I took all the wrong risks for a while and now I'm in a shell most of the time. LOL there is so much evil in the world and I trust too much. I hope one day I have the courage to do what you did, because if i don't, I know I'll be sitting in my rocking chair old as fuck and mad about it!
Only reason I ask about the sunset is because I'm obsessed with sunsets, they're always my go to paint project. I've always wondered why I paint sunsets instead of sunrises when sunrises are so metaphorically beautiful... my only explanation was basically a copy of yours haha I never see sunrises I'm a night owl!
I love conversations like this as well and I much more prefer them over casual smalltalk (which I am very bad at :D). The only one outside of the internet I share deep conversations with is my sister at the moment. Before I went to Sweden we didn't talk that much about stuff like that but after I came back and she told me for the first time that she has depressions as well and that she goes to a therapist now. That was when those conversations started and I guess it is very healing for both of us. Even though I never would have wanted it to start like that; I never wanted her to experience something similar to my depression :( but she is a very strong person so she will get through that as well.
Yes I've seen ''Into the wild'' a few times now and I absolutely love that movie. I can relate to this phrase a lot because although I enjoy my time when I am alone, when there is another person who can experience the same things as you and you can be happy ''together'' it is like the happiness is twice as strong. I can't find a better way to describe it but that's how it felt like in Sweden.
I guess in a relationship like you have it is normal and important to take a step back from your own dreams to don't ''destroy'' the dreams from your partner. But maybe you can find a compromise that makes both of you happy. Just because he doesn't want to do what you dream of doesn't mean you shouldn't do it either. You could go on a trip alone; I don't know how far away you live from California but I guess for starters you could go somewhere else instead and bring back memories and experiences that may change his opinion and make him more open to see all the good things that can come from an adventure like that :) .
This is insanely long and I'm so sorry lol just goes to show how thought provoking your content is.
As I was reading your post, I would think, this is how I should answer this part...and then I'd carry on and have the same thought for something else you said. In the end, I realised it is not easy to deal with the entirety of your thoughts, discoveries and worries.
Unlike you, I am at the other end of my life, which means that I recall times that were very different from the present. For instance, for a brief time, we went through the stage where companies tried to make their employees feel proud of the company and its successes. Professional management took over, instead of an owner running the business who is proud of it and thinks of his business as his child.
For work to be worth the time you are forced to give it, you must feel you are a part of something and want to excel. That is not a word you will hear often nowadays. Excelling at what you do makes a big difference and you become dedicated to doing it.
In the old days, many had hobbies - hardly anyone does now. Whether it was stamp collecting or wood working or learning of new ways of thinking, or reading poetry...all hobbies demand dedication, and once you are dedicated, you try to excel at what you do. As you say you have grown to feel about playing the piano.
Re eating meat. I do not agree with vegans. I refuse to turn my back on our past. We evolved because we were meat eaters. In the recent past, we accepted that side of us, but looked for ways to make the slaughter of animals as painless (and fear free) as possible. Now, because of Halal, the killing process has become as traumatic as possible and people think that only by becoming vegans can they avoid being responsible.
The world is much uglier in so many ways, for your generation. I hope you see yourself as being of the X generation, and not of the millenials. The X generation is more pragmatic, and they are willing to fight to make this a better world again.
As for @charlotteroze, she probably will not see my comment, but I've been thinking about all she said. The truth is, all of us have dreams. The problem is, everyone seems to think, at this time, that their dream is all that matterst. They ignore or do not realise that for all of us the same truths apply: It is very rare that anyone has only one dream. We have dreams (plural). The art is in recognising them and choosing which dreams we want to pursue. When the dreams clash (her walk vs her love is a good example), she must decide which dream means more to her. If she starts off with the feeling that she is sacrificing what she wants for her husband and children, then she will grow bitter and not be the love, wife and mother she can be. Not only her family (loved ones) lose, so does she.
Your suggestion that she makes small excursions is a good one, but keep in mind that the world is now not a safe place - anywhere. My little niece is not allowed to play in her garden because she is blond and blue-eyed and such children disappear, as it is believed their body parts are strong magic. She also wants to ride her bike or walk to the local shop to buy sweets and so on. We solve her problem by taking her to the beach, to special hiking areas and so on. In other words, if you cannot do exactly what you want, then look for ways to get what you can. What if her and her family go to a camp, where he can swim, sit by the fire, drink a beer etc., while she, with a few others, goes for long walks and discovers the beauties of nature. California is only an idea, a fascination. There are many thousands of places where the right attitude and mood can help us share the beauty our world offers us.
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That's it for now, my fingers are getting sore and you must be getting tired of reading my thoughts, so, till another time...bye
Yeah I guess I can't even deal with every thought in my head at once, I often confuse myself and by writing it down I try to solve some of it. I totally get why this can be a lot at once and I try to make my posts a little more structured and better thought through. But I guess I learn as I go :)
Just so you know, I really love hearing other peoples' opinions on my posts so we can exchange our thoughts. Everyone experiences life and reality differently in my opinion because of our thoughts and feelings.
As you said you experienced a time where companies tried to make the employees feel like it is worth putting some of their (life)time into helping the company succeed. Since I only worked for a few weeks here and there in the past years it is not really my place to tell wether it still is like that for the companies I worked at or not but I can tell that so much of our life is spent at work that you need to feel connected to the companies success to be content. So I agree with you on that topic.
Dedication is a huge part of my life. I guess I am kind of a perfectionist and I actually want to excell at the things I do since otherwise I don't understand why I should dedicate time to something I am only doing halfheartedly (is this even a word in English? :D). Maybe it is just a personal preference but I think hobbies are more fun if you see yourself improving in some way or the other.
Now I get to the point where we obviously disagree. I get your point and if you look at it evolutionwise I think you are actually right. Humanity was able to survive because we were able to hunt, cook and to domesticate animals. And now here comes my "but": In my opinion we came to a point where we don't see the animal as a living being anymore. Animals like pigs and chickens are getting slaughtered by thousands every day and milk cows are treated like machines that need to be get rid off after four or five years of their lifetime because they don't give enough milk anymore. Other animals are killed for fashion which is totally unagreeable to me. I don't get why another living being has to die just so I can have a nice fur coat. We are not living in a world anymore where we have to kill to survive so I prefer not to support this industry. There are so many things going in the wrong direction in this world (at least in my opinion) that I don't know where to look at first. But for me personally the choices we do every day, like which food we buy, is something I have control over. I think we have to change our eating habits so humanity still will be able to sustain itself in the future but contrary to a lot of other vegans I don't think everyone must go vegan to do this. Food is still a personal choice for everyone and has so much to do with culture that I get why not everyone wants to give up meat and dairy. But I do think that it is necessary to be aware of what we eat, what impact it has on our and someone elses' life and what we are supporting with our choices. Ok I guess I should stop here, I am starting to ramble to much, I could go on and on about this topic a lot and I like to talk about things like that :D just a little addition: I don't think that vegans in general avoid being responsible for the slaughter of animals just because thy choose not to buy these products. It is just a try not to support cruelty with our money but since we are all human you could say we are all in this together.
I actually never heard of the term "Generation X" but since I definitely don't see myself as a millenial I guess I am more on the ther side of the spectrum.
About the dreams part: you put my thoughts better into words than I could have done it. But I don't really get the part why your niece isn't allowed to play in her garden. Maybe I feel too save because I never experienced something really tragic or bad that came into my life because of the bad will of other people. I don't know, maybe I have to live a few more years to truly understand that or it is just my nature to oversee that not everyone wants other people to be happy and let them their own free will.
I guess I should stop here, otherwise I could go on for a lot longer but this reply is already long enough :D but thanks a lot for your comment, I really appreciate it!:)
I live in Africa. Witchdoctors (sangomas) pay well for little girls who are blonde and blue-eyed, because they can use her liver, heart etc for making medicines that are stronger becuse those girls have more magic.
We are told we must respect the cultures of other people, so I guess it is not so terrible, as long as we try to see it from their point of view. Of course, seeing life from our point of view is not necessary from their side.
The genrations (as media refer to them, are)
Baby Boomers: Born, I think, from 1950 and later - their children are the
Millenials: (the less said about them, the better) but the next gen is
Generation X: your generation. They have rebelled against the previous generation and are not dedicated to 'instant gratification'. They are willing to study and work, and they are willing to debate with people who do not have exactly the same beliefs as they do.
Ah okay now understand why your niece isn't allowed to play in the garden. But still it is kind of sad why not both sides could respect each others cultures.
Thanks a lot for informing me about these terms. I guess I will look into that a little bit more by myself, these words are not so often used or explained in Germany.:)
Looking for a woman of the desert. Awesome post!
Thanks for your comment! It is always good to know that someone appreciates your work :)