BEASTLY TALES

OTTO GOES VEGAN (ALMOST)

Otto got ready to go for a visit.
He was going to visit someone exquisite.
He’d met her at a hot dog eating contest.
Otto had won. She’d said, “Otto you’re the best,”
“I admire a man who can eat without swallowing,”
“You could be famous, with quite a following,”
Otto fondly recalled how many he did eat,
“Forty Two, it was quite a treat!”
And he’d been able to put on mustard and sauce,
Relish, pickles and sauerkraut, of course.
And he had washed it all down with good German beer.
“The loveliest of snacks, never you fear!”

So now he was off to visit this female admirer,
He recalled her name fondly, it was Mira.
The invitation had been for lunch,
He’d gobble it all down, with a belch and a crunch.
Very soon he was at number forty four.
He reached out to knock on the door.
“Rat ta tat tat,” The door knocker did announce,
When out of the door did Mira Melba then flounce.
For that was her somewhat unusual name.
(Nothing to do with Melba thin toast fame).
Said she, in a husky contralto, “Do come in.”
Otto then walked through, with a large grin.

“I want you to meet my good friend Megan,”
“Lunch she has prepared, we are both vegan.”
“I know you have a robust appetite”
“But it won’t hurt you to eat something light.”
Otto’s plump face quickly did fall.
Puzzled, he could detect no smell at all.
The reason soon became true and valid,
For lunch they were going to have a salad.
Worse was to come, Otto did think,
As they proudly announced, they did not drink.
Otto began to think, without any doubt,
That it would be, “Three strikes and you’re out!”
Canoodling looked to be not on the cards,
He’d missed out on everything by many yards.
He looked at his watch, saw it was one.
The Pub was still open, there he might have some fun.
“I just remembered, I forgot to tell you,”
“That I’ve been invited to a bucks party do.”
“Regrettably, I’ll have to say, “Adieu.”
“It’s been so very nice to meet you two.”
Then Otto was out, and away to the pub,
Lavishly salivating for good pub grub!