BEASTLY TALES

INS AND OUTS

He was built solid, like an ox,
Every morning, he went out to the thunderbox,
There he sought some urgent relief,
His droppings falling into the pit beneath.
Folk around would say “’es havin’ no fun,”
As they heard the acoustics that he spun.
“’e should quickly change ‘is diet,”
“So’s to give us some peace and quiet.”

Ox Munroe, for that was his name,
Would then light up a fag and puff out the flame.
Ten minutes later he’d reach for some newspaper,
Hygienic paper, for the usual caper.
He would then rearrange his attire,
Belching loudly, his stomach on fire,
His toes squelched in the mud, as upright he was gaining.
Everything was wet, as it had been raining.
So, off he went, back to his dwelling,
Leaving the privvy so rank and vilely smelling.
“Where’s me coffee an’ fixin’s for breakfast?”
Ox bellowed out loudly, making a wreck fast.
“Oim ‘ungry as a ‘orse, an’ then some,”
“Set me up big, so’s I can fill up me tum!”

His wife, herself a big girl,
Would come into the kitchen, with a pirouette swirl.
“Oive got fer youse a real special treat.”
“Giblets an’ chitterlings an’ gristly meat.”
“So, scoff it down, like a real good boy.”
“An’ fill me ‘eart with pride an’ joy.”