Oh my, you got some big issues to tackle. That anxiety is going to ruin your life if you let it control your freedom and limit your talents. Sticking your self-worth on a the reaction of a stranger is a bit risky when there are so many variables involved (Does he read fan mail? Does his email get filter? Is he a nice person? Does he have any social skills? Does he have time for reading your email? Maybe he got sick? Maybe he had a death in the family? etc.). You can't control any of the possibilities that may happen. You can only control how you let your emotions play out, or you can choose to let your emotions play you.

Last year I was making some posts here on steemit on this subject. I was using the book "The Artist's Way" as a study guide, posed to me by another steemian. It really helped me to tackle some of the silly excuses I had been always making, to prevent myself from doing the kind of art I always told myself I would work on some day, but never had the guts to actually do. How am I ever going to get good if I don't actually practice? How hard can it be if I only tried years ago? Why is my inspiration for good art always gone? This book answered a lot of those questions, and helped me to tap into hidden energy and confidence to feed more artistic drives I never knew I had.

If you can find it at the library, you might want to check it out, and try it for a few months, and share your results.