The Truth Comes Out...

Lately everything has been so exhausting to me, there have been times where I will sleep for 12 hours then decide to take a nap and continue to be able to sleep again at night. Inside me it feels like something has giving up on... I feel like I don't care what even happens to me anymore and to say that is sad, but that is how I feel. I've been super suicidal lately where I just wanna die and not be around anymore as the blade hits my wrist. Blood. Blood. And so much more.

I honestly feel like I don't even have a purpose anymore. I know who I should hang with and who I shouldn't and I keep picking the wrong one except for this one guy.. every time we have hanged out lately I am happy and I have fun but I don't feel like I deserve anyone good...I feel like I deserve to be hurt and to get the same treatment my mom got with my dad... Although that isn't true but that's all I've seen love to turn out as and maybe that's how I should be treated too..

I am lost in who I am and who my real friends are... I've been trying to be happy, but every night around the same time a cloud of darkness fulfills my nights..and the repeat happens again and again..

I wish it will disappear...