When Your Animal Friend is Super Needy

OK to be fair, this is a photo of puppies attacking my head, not so much of a clingy animal friend. HOWEVER, they are cute and so that is why I chose that photo.

On to the topic at hand: Some animals (typically dogs, though it can be any kind) develop a pretty strong emotional dependency on their human friends, instead of a sense of independence where they enjoy the company of their human friend, but they are OK when you're not there. Some animals are totally NOT OK when their human friend is away, and very often this dependency is developed and nurtured unknowingly by the human.

Before I continue, allow me to define emotional dependency and show the difference between it and, say, a dog that has a strong protective drive.

Emotional dependency is when the animal becomes highly anxious when they are not with their human, and may start showing destructive behaviour or even becoming ill or depressed. It can also manifest as extreme jealousy and over protectiveness. In short, the animal is not able to just be themselves and keep themselves busy and happy when their human is not around.

A strong bond or protective drive is when the animal is always around their human when possible. They are protective of their human, however if this drive is developed correctly they will not be over protective (ie irrationally so). They may show mild anxiety when their human is not around or accessible, but can still go about their lives. This type of behaviour is often breed-specific in dogs, and can be nurtured or ignored in order to develop it or not.

Just because an animal wants to be around their human all the time doesn't automatically make them needy or emotionally dependent. Often they are simply following their design (strong protective drive), or honouring the bond they have developed. In these cases, it's simply a matter of enjoying each other's company. These types of animals may be more likely to develop an emotional dependency, so the remaining post will be relevant to the affected humans.

How do we trigger and nurture emotional dependency in our animal friends? In the simplest words, we nurture that behaviour. When the animal comes to us in an emotional state and we "reward" them by stroking them or holding them close, they will eventually learn that human = emotional state. So if the animal is scared or anxious and we reward that behaviour, they think that this is what we want them to feel and do. It becomes a vicious cycle that eventually develops more and more emotional anxiety. There is plenty support on this particular point in the Cesar Millan - Dog Whisperer series that shows practical support, with real-life case studies.

I have noticed that there is often a particular dynamic that is required, in most cases, to develop an intense emotional dependency. This is a form of codependency - where the human is just as emotionally dependent on the animal as the animal is with them. The animal reciprocates the way that the human feels and behaves towards them. Given that animals have a different way of seeing the world, and a different set of tools available to them to develop change within themselves, their emotional dependency tends to become more extreme than their human counterpart's.

How to change clingy behaviour once it's already been developed? First look at yourself. Who are you with the animal? Are you emotionally dependent on them? If yes, then it's time to redefine your relationship and address your relationship with yourself - as that will be the driving force behind seeking out emotional relief from others.

Along with a process of reflecting on your emotional relationship with the animal, you will need to assess your physical behaviour. Are you unintentionally rewarding destructive, dependent, or otherwise "bad" behaviour? A practical check of this is: are you giving your animal affection (rewarding them) when they are in an anxious or other emotional state? The best time to give affection is when they are calm and relaxed, or when they have completed a task (like exercise).

We often don't realise the huge effect that our behaviour and emotional states can have on the animals we love and care for. Repetitive behaviours can trigger and reinforce particular responses from our animal friends. We are the ones who have the capacity and tools to change our behaviour, while their ability is limited. It is therefore our responsibility to support the animals in our lives to develop happy and healthy relationships and habits.

I originally wrote this post here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/when-your-animal-18598400