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we can see that in places with failed states where there is no government that violence is rampant and constant and unavoidable.

correct, and that is why voluntarists want a free society with sufficient specific deterrence to realize a sustainable culture of the Non Aggression Principle

sufficient specific deterrence to realize a sustainable culture

brainwashing? what are these deterrences specifically and how will they create a culture?

I mean first you would obviously have a police force, at least until people are angels, just the difference would be it is financed voluntarily without utilizing coercion. Second depends how you define brainwashing, i mean that one does not always have to use force, one can instill cultures like the golden rule, that when followed leads to nonviolence for the most part, so you can call that brainwashing perhaps, but if it is voluntarily assumed identity then perhaps it is not. but cultures may be able to make people angels.

I just don't get the means of instilling a culture, public service announcements? public schools? so people can voluntarily pay for police protection or deal with criminals on their own? what if they are poor and can't afford it, do they get a discount? is that fair? who decides what people pay for that protection?

well if we are discussing voluntarism a culture would only win by being more competitive than competing cultural identities in the marketplace of ideas. I can't dive deep into social organization currently, but I think Richard Dawkin's "The Selfish Gene" gives a good discussion of cultural evolution. Concerning financing, either a, poor people would be voluntarily subsidized by those who can pay, perhaps merchants have an interest in an NAP culture or other people have interests in such subsidy, perhaps friendly societies or religious groups. Or people could be made poor no more via some sort of a guaranteed minimum income, which in a voluntary society would be funded by people directly and/or by nonprofits that perhaps capture portions of the economy.

well then all you have to do is start doing all of those things, demonstrate all that in action and the state will simply become irrelevant and cease to exist. So pick a city and clear up all the crime and poverty there without any sort of governance just using the voluntary donations of people to provide everyone there with a minimum income and security.

Start even in a neighborhood, there are plenty of lawless neighborhoods where the government is not doing the job of providing for the less fortunate and security. How would we go about achieving that?

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