5 DON’T’S IN THE BAR

This industry is very magical for many reasons, in particular one: its psychology 101.

It really does teach you a lot about human behavior and what I like to call the “cat-mouse habits.”

Ie: I know EXACTLY what is going to make you tick and what’s going to make you excited based on sheer volume I’ve experienced every night for years now serving people. Yes, we do learn how to pre-judge and scan quickly. It makes the job most effective.

DON’T CHASE THE BARTENDER AROUND THE BAR

I’ve see you, believe me. Bartenders notice 99% of everyone at the bar, trust me, it’s not that big when you work there nightly. If you experience the phenomenon of 1% and “why hasn’t he acknowledged me?” chances are I’m busy mixing drinks for the guy who order 7 completely different cocktails who demands to pay separately for everything and leave me a .50 cent tip.

When you chase us, you’re bothering the bar staff and other patrons around the bar who believe they were there first. What makes you more important?

DON’T YELL AT BAR STAFF

This is most prevelant with new patrons or young patrons (18-22 years old) :

“HEY BOSS, YO FAM, YO, click click snap snap, YOUUU, LET’S GO, HEYYY!!!!”

MILENIEALS! Where is your mother to teach you some manners?

If you know me, as in you’re my friend or come often and I’ve befriended you, maybe, you can talk to me this way.

Most bartenders like myself want to greet you first with: “Hey, great to see you again! Well this must be your girl friend how nice to meet you! Hey there first time here? What’s going on guys? What’s going on ladies?”

This makes me want to flag down security to drag you out by your neck; YES! I have the power to do that.

Flagging me down when we are 5 people deep all around the bar and then asking me like its an emergency:

“Hey YO boss, I have a question?!?”

Me: “Hey everything ok?”

You: “Yeah, Can I order?”

If you disrespect us and we’ve been working 6 hours, chances are we are tired, we are cranky, some of you haven’t been tipping, we are on edge and we will abuse our power if you push us to a breaking point of being rude and cutting off other guests. We will not think twice about it.

You’re not Travis Scott, Drake or the Weekend, I’m not your fam I’m not your bro and I’m not LIT at work. I’m here to provide service for you. You’re a kid with an ID from Winnipeg, but that’s probably not true either.

We take our job professionally, treat me with respect and you’ve won me over because I will want to treat you with respect also. This is not a part-time gig, we take pride in our work.

DON’T ORDER FOR YOURSELF THEN DICTATE WHO GETS SERVED NEXT

If you want a job as an usher, I’m sure I have friends in the industry who can hook you up.

It’s busy, I know, you’re the MOST important person in the whole room of other drunk, sweaty people. You order for yourself, no problem, you order for your date, that’s awesome, and then you say: “HEY FAM, THEY’RE ALSO WAITING.”

You’re being a jackass.

We had NO CLUE other people were waiting.

Would you mind adding 50- 200 more people to that additional duce you just pointed out to me?

This is not helpful. There is workflow in a bar and patterns of how we get to people. We will get to everyone and we try to be as fair as possible about how we do it. This actually does screw up how we remember who approach the bar.

Me: “Are they with you?”

You: “Ugh, no?”

Me: “Ok so you’re buying their drinks, your new total is 215.00 dollars”

TRYING TO GET ME TO RISK BREAKING HOUSE RULES

How many times in a night people try and break the law or rules.

I love to party to, just don’t do it at a private establishment.

You got your parents house to do this or your apartment, not in public. You’re not Tony Montana.

Yes, I’ve had guys try and bust lines on the bartop while I’ve been working. Don’t be an idiot.

Telling me “C’mon, I’ll hook you up.”

No, you wont. Cash is king: In God we trust. If I don’t see God in your hand, you’re not God.

Requesting a quadruple vodka soda in a single shot glass with 10 more beers on the side and demanding I “hook it up” by charging you for 1 and giving you Belvedere instead of Smirnoff. Then you think leaving me $1.00 is a “good tip,” when your bill was 200 dollars.

Good luck with this strategy.

ORDERING EVERYTHING AND THEN TELLING ME AFTER THE FACT YOU HAVE A TAB ONCE ALL THE DRINKS ARE IN THE POS SYSTEM

You make me want to roll over and cry into a hole.

Again, I know you’re important. You have a tab?

It’s not your tab though.

It’s with THAT GUY .

Where is he? Way over there, in the corner behind 100 other people?

You don’t know his last name? No I’m telling it to you. Do you even know him?

Guess what, you’re going to have to pay for it. Sorry to inconvenience YOU.

BONUS:

Don’t ask me how much it costs, like I don’t already know I need to tell you this in order for you to pay, I’m going to tell you once I have the price. We don’t work at McDonalds, drinks don’t always have a standard price.

That triple vodka martini, with 6 lemon twists and olives plus a shot of tomato juice on the side, hold the ice, hold the booze it’s self but give me water just instead and then serve this couple next to me who I don’t know….

Actually does cost a different price if you only ordered a normal version of the drink.

At the end of the day, we do love people or else we wouldn’t do our job.

Try and make it an enjoyable experience for all of us because we are there to make your night enjoyable as well.

Stay tuned for me “The 5 DO’s” when you come to the bar and GUYS if you want me to be your wingman.

STAY TUNNED!