ADSactly Short Story - Drunken Witnesses

"I would like to come along tonight when you and your friends are going out," Soki told his cousin, Lacas.

Lacas seemed to consider the idea, but there was nothing strange about that. It was either that his brain had much lower processing speed than others or he just liked the idea of taking a moment to consider everything. Soki, being of a mathematical turn of mind, sometimes wanted to think that perhaps, Lacas's brain did serial processing only. In those times, he would look at his square forehead and imagine the information to be processed lining up in bits of ones and zeros. But today was different because Soki was tired of studying and he really wanted to go drinking with his cousin that Friday night and take some time to unwind. So, that night, Soki believed that Lacas only pretended to think about things when asked a question. There was no way to know for sure but the answers Lacas gave each time after considering a request over made Soki believe that Lacas just wanted to take a moment and watch him squirm while waiting for a response.

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As usual, Lacas delivered his response and, even though Soki was supposed to be disappointed, he was not:

"Ma ma, ma ma, my friend," he said, "You....you know that you are an idiot, right?"

There was no way to know what that response meant. Soki knew he had to be patient with his cousin as usual. How could he not be? The guy stammered, and it was a lot of work to get words out of him. If what it took this time was for Soki to acknowledge that he was an idiot, so be it.

"Yes, I know. So, can I come?"

Apparently, Lacas was not expecting him to acknowledge his idiocy so that response took him by surprise. He stomped his right feet on the floor, laughed and threw himself on the bed.

"My friend, di di, did you say that you know you're an idiot?"

"Yes, I know," Soki responded earnestly.

It had been a while since Soki wanted to join his cousin for their Friday night romps. For one thing, it was guaranteed to be fun. For another, it was going to be totally free because Bluemoon, Lacas's friend would never allow any of his friends to pay. Bluemoon had many successful businesses, according to Lacas, but Soki suspected there must be something illegal about some of his income. The way he spent it was suggestive of such illegality. Bluemoon had already invited Soki to join them on the Friday night spending spree, but there was no way Soki could go unless Lacas approved since it was he that would be driving and it was he who knew the locations they would be going, and the moneybag was his friend too. That stutterer holds all the cards, Soki thought.

At first, Soki did not understand why his cousin would not take him along. It was strange to him because they needed more people in the group. Just the week before, Lacas took John, another one of his cousins who was nineteen to their Friday night drinking, and Soki was two years older than John. When John returned, Soki pulled him aside and asked:

"Why won't Lacas take me with him when he goes out on Friday nights?"

John laughed. "This is good. Really good, but you have to give me a hundred pin before I can tell you."

Soki searched his pockets and found two fifty naira notes and some change folded together. He unfolded them and handed the two bills to him. John laughed some more.

"Okay, you see, I asked him the same question the other night, I said, 'Bros, why you no fit allow Soki follow us nah?' And he said, 'So-so-so-soki is an idiot. He doesn't drink, and he doesn't chase girls,' he said. I was waiting for him to clarify that but that was it. He said nothing more," answered John.

John's response was not much to go by, but it was more than Soki had before, so after he had acknowledged being an ijiot as Lacas called it, he felt he should give it one more shot.

"I'd really like to get my eyes dirty and chase some tails, you know, it has been a while. This all night studying gat me feeling like Jack, "Soki said casually, hoping that talks about drinking alcohol and chasing girls would get Lacas's attention. He intentionally spoke in slangs too to prove that there was a little more to him than being a bookworm.

"Ma-ma-my friend, be-be-be-but you have a light brain," he replied.

Soki was happy that they were still having the conversation. Before then, the conversation would have ended with his cousin asking him to confirm that he was an ijiot.

"No, I don't. I just don't often drink because of school. You'll see," Soki replied.

"Okay, we-we'll see. But who is Jack?"

"Oh, you know, 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'," Soki replied.

"Or a stupid boy. Let's go!" Lacas said, laughing.

Soki did not need to be told twice. He pulled on his sneakers and was standing by the car when Lacas came out. Soki was so looking forward to that night because of all the stories he had heard. He had never been to a nightclub, and he heard it was part of the package. Soki drove one of his bosses car. It was a Range Rover sports SUV with diplomatic licence registration number. Soki had not ridden in such a car before then, and the experience was nothing like anything he had ever seen. First, they went to one of Bluemoon's retail store to pick him up. Lacas pulled over in front of the store and walked in. Everyone seemed to know him there.

"King," they all called him. He went straight to the alcohol section and pulled out a bottle of American Honey, unscrewed the cap and went to the counter to ask for a glass. Soki expected that the cashier would turn him back but to his surprise, the lady smiled, reached into a drawer and pulled out a couple of disposable cups. Lacas handed Soki one of the cups, and the party began from there.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Soki saw a girl looking at him and his cousin. That was the second time he was seeing that girl. She was outside when Lacas parked the car. He pointed out the girl to Lacas.

"Did you notice that girl in that corner staring at us?" he asked.

Lacas followed Soki's description and saw the girl. Apparently, Lacas noticed her too while coming in.

"Wo-wo-watch and ss-ee what I will do to her," Lacas said and continued sipping on his drink while waiting for Bluemoon.

Soki watched the girl closely. She did not seem to be doing anything in particular in that shop. She just looked at body lotions and creams without touching any one of them. Finally, Bluemoon came out, and it was time to leave. Lacas did not seem to be aware of the girl's presence, but as they walked out, Soki could see that the girl followed them close behind. When Lacas reached the car, he unlocked it with the remote control, opened the driver's door and stood, waiting. The girl walked out. Lacas moved to the back and opened the back door as if he had previously discussed with the girl that she was going to join them.

"Le-le-let us drop you off," he offered.

The girl smiled sheepishly, held up her long skirt a little and climbed onto the vehicle. Soki was amazed. He always had difficulty approaching women, and he had never seen it done so quickly. He wondered what it was that Lacas did that made the girl climb onto a vehicle with three strange guys. Wow, he thought.

"See?" Lacas asked him.

They had driven about five hundred meters before the girl recovered from whatever it was that possessed her earlier.

"Ehm, which direction are you guys going?" she asked.

"Well, we are going towards fun. How about you?" Bluemoon asked.

"I am going to Sunset Boulevard," she said.

She was going opposite the direction the guys were headed, so they set her down but not before Lacas took her phone number. As soon as she stepped down, the guys burst out laughing. All the while, Lacas was sipping on his drink and so was Soki. Bluemoon took a cup from one of the compartments in the car and joined the other two. They soon arrived at Opium Night Life. Neon lights of different colours illuminated the whole place. A loud live band was playing outside the nightclub, and more than three thousand people were drinking on round tables. Soki was amazed. Bluemoon ordered three bottles of Brut. Soki had expected that they would start with one but, it appeared that they were going to share the three bottles, one for each of them. Soki suspected that the idea was to ensure that he kept his promise to drink. He was not bothered. He had fed well before coming out.

They drank two bottles of brut each that night outside the nightclub, and the bottle of American Honey was empty by the time they arrived there. Soki thought it was over when they stood up after their combined six bottles of brut, but he followed his cousin and Bluemoon into the club. He had no strength left to dance with, so he stood by the wall and nodded to the rhythm of the blasting music.

It was two in the morning when they finally left the club. While there, they shared another bottle of American Honey with a bunch of strangers in the club. Soki was drunk but, by his drunken assessment, he was more clear-eyed than his Lacas. He was scared when he watched Lacas stagger into the driver's seat, but he was not scared enough to refuse being driven by him. If Bluemoon said something, Soki would be able to assess just how drunk he was but Bluemoon was unusually quiet.

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Lacas started the car, and to Soki's surprise, his driving was average and not at all reckless. They dropped Bluemoon in front of his house before the two of them headed home. They arrived back without any incident. They had barely slept for three hours when Lacas woke Soki up.

"Ahhh, follow me, I don't trust myself. We have to drive the police that worked security last night ba-ba-ba-back to the station," he said. It was some minutes past five, and it was still dark out.

Unbelievable, Soki thought, but he did not protest. He asked for a party, and he got it.

They retook the Range Rover. They had driven about three kilometres from their home when they saw someone that looked like Bluemoon walked idly along the road. Lacas beamed his headlamps on him and honked. It was him. Soki and Lacas were surprised to see him there wearing the same clothes he wore a few hours ago, more than four kilometres from his home. Lacas pulled over and stepped out of the vehicle.

"Bluemoon! Where are you going?" he asked.

"King, man you f*cked me up last night. That place you dropped me last night was not my house," he said.

Lacas took more than one minute to laugh at him before he offered to drop him off at his "correct" residence.

They drove the police back to the station in silence. Lacas asked Bluemoon where he was going once again and the response was the same. He really believed that he was dropped off at the wrong address. However, when they dropped him off the second time around, he recognised the place as his own. The three friends still argue about that night. Was Lacas too drunk to drop off his friend at his correct address or was Bluemoon too drunk to recognise his own home? Nobody knows since they were all drunk witnesses.

Authored by: @churchboy

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