Things You Should Not Say or Ask An Adoptive Parent

It was New Year's Day and my daughter and I were at our local grocery store here in Orlando shopping for a few things to make dinner that night. My wife and I adopted our youngest daughter from China five years ago and as usual she accompanies me anytime I go for a quick run to the grocery store.

As we made our way through the produce section a guy stops me, looks at me and then back to my daughter and asks "Oh, so she is mixed with an Asian". In that split second my first impulse was to turn into John Rambo.

With my daughter looking straight into my eyes, wondering how dad was going to respond to this question. I looked at the man and quickly responded "That's not a question you ask!" I continued, you see regardless of the cultural background of my daughter before I was even born God had already put into motion that this child from Dianbi China was going to be our daughter. After that exchange he quickly apologized and ran off.

So for you all out there that come across this post here are five things from Maria Colaco (Twitter: www.twitter.com/thenewyorkmom) you should never ask or say to Adoptive or Foster Parents, keep these in mind in order to keep Rambo at bay.

1. So will you have your own children? This is the most insulting, insensitive thing you could ever utter. Think about this statement: Your OWN children... so what is my adopted child? Maybe the term “biological children” would be a better way to word this.

2. “She looks nothing like you.” Thanks for pointing out the obvious... in front of my child. I have encountered this so many times, and now I just smile at the person saying it and give them a death stare! I think she looks just like me and I'm sorry you can't see that. Why would someone point this out, anyway?

3. “So, where are her REAL parents?” What do you mean, real parents? I am the real parent. You mean the biological parent?

4. “How much did she cost?” What an awful question to ask someone. We are talking about a child. She cost nothing. Do I ask you how much your biological child cost, with her hospital fees, doctor visits, shots? Yes, we had adoption fees and travel costs, but “SHE” did not cost anything. She is a child, just like my biological child.

5. “That’s so sweet. We adopted our dog, too.” Not the same, people. We are talking about children here. I like to say, “We rescued our dog.” The term “adopted” being used related to dogs or highways can be very demeaning to kids. Kids hear this and think... oh, it devalues me. So please, find other words to describe your rescued dog or cleanup of the highway.