The tornado through my therapy room, the parent’s perfect storm!
God says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30). In my experience children suffering from ADHD has no peace. The more severe the symptoms, the less peace they have. Their yoke is not easy and their or their parents burden is not light! I can see the anxiety in them. I can see the restlessness and the frustration. A boy will be running then hanging from the trapeze swing then crashing onto the mattress again and again until his eye catches something else. Then he’ll run to the new object of interest, push it over without thinking about the consequences. If there is a desired response he’ll do it a few more times then move on again. There is no way to predict how long his interest in a game or toy will last. That is because he doesn’t know! It is extremely demanding to get him engaged in an activity that I present. He will either stop with the activity or change the rules every single time! I need to be on high alert managing the situation every second. This automatically means the activity is not therapeutic, because the child’s body is not in a state for learning to take place. He is functioning from his survival brain. He is out of control!!
It often looks to me like these children are trapped. It feels like something is chasing them around with a whip! Often there is a plea from the sensitive scared child deep inside: “mommy, I did listen to the therapist?” when in actual fact they did not listen at least 80% of the time. Or, “I love you mommy” after me and the mother were just being firm and demanding for the last 10 minutes in an attempt to manage the child and to try to get them to comply to the activity that is supposed to be therapeutic.
End of the session, I am exhausted and frustrated; the child did not get the love and affirmation that he craves (never mind therapeutic input) and the mother feels guilty and frustrated! After this I can sit down and drink a cup of much needed coffee, but the mother needs to strap this child into his car seat, take him home and get him to eat his veggies and take his bath.
This is a more extreme example to be fair. But this is real! These children tend to be impulsive, distracted, hyperactive, rebellious, defiant, frustrated, scared or anxious, restless, not easily taught, and they are often bad losers. They often seem confident but usually have low self-esteem. That’s why they are competitive, demanding, controlling, frustrated and scared.
The frustrating part is these children are usually sensitive, loving and intelligent and they crave more love and affirmation then a typical child. It is extremely difficult to give them this much needed love because they are constantly pushing the boundaries, disregarding rules and pushing their parents or teachers buttons.
Disciplining them is difficult for the same reason. They push the boundaries all the time, yet they are sensitive so punishment every 5 minutes (which is often what is warranted for their behavior) will break their spirit.
These are just some of the dilemmas parents and children with ADHD have to deal with on a daily basis. I’ll be exploring intervention strategies and spiritual aspects in the articles to follow.