I'm going to share a story that very few people know about me.

Today i'm going to share a story about something very few people know about me (unless we are friends in real life). Its incredibly personal, puts me in a vulnerable position, and is very hard for me to talk about. So here it goes...

The day was August 08, 2014. It was an ordinary day like any other. I woke up, brushed my teeth, and went to the computer to finish up some code for a project I was working on. When the phone rings. It was my mom's telephone number. I think she and I are the only ones in our family that are up at 7 am, and its not unusual for her to call me to bs about random global events.

So I answer the phone. "Hello?". And there was someone on the other line. I could hear them breathing, and sobbing softly. "hello?!?" and a male voice with an authoritative tone says "Chris, this is Detective Black from the police department, we are at your mom's house, and she needs you to come over." My rose into my throat, because ya know when the cops call you and tell you to come over because your mom needs you, it cant be good. I responded "Why tell me whats wrong", they said "We can't tell you over the phone, but your mother needs you." Instantly I knew something very terrible had happened, and I knew to who. I say "just tell me whats wrong, its my brother isn't it, its Zach." The detective replied. "Yes, and you need to come to your mom." All I could say was "he is dead isn't he...". Then I heard my mom shriek and say "Yesssssss, Chris, please come I need you". It was my insides were positioned between two blackholes and I was being torn in half.

My brother and I were pretty tight. We hung out a lot. He is about 8 years younger than I, but he was a lot of fun to be around. Side story but one morning I came home, and he had been up all night calculating when the google maps satellite would be over our house so he could run out in the yard naked. He could have been anything in the world. He was, hands down, the smartest person I had ever met. But, my brother had a lot of demons and the way he chose to deal with those demons was drugs. He was a drug addict, his drugs of choice were disassociates. He was really big into the spice and k2 variants when they first came out, also did alot of dxm, and eventually started doing MXE. The problem with drug addiction is, its basically a parasite that feeds off of and eventually takes over the host. Essentially enslaving the person afflicted.

Any how, I got my wife to drive me over to my moms house 20 mins away so I could be there for her the best I could. I was just incredibly sick, my head was pounding, I had overwhelming feelings of guilt like if only I could of helped him, or fixed him, been there for him. That's the thing with addiction though, the only person that can change is the person addicted, they have to want it for themselves. I know i'm rambling, i'm sorry, like I said its hard for me to talk about, and I can notice my fingers wanting to type about anything other than this story. But back to the story.

So I showed up at my moms house, there is 3 detectives, and they start to tell me what happened. He was found in a hotel room, in the bathroom, fully clothed in the tub, gone. Then we started to fill in the pieces. The day before, he and my parents had a big fight because they found him passed out, and drugs on him. So whenever he came back to, he freaked out, called his drug dealer and went and got a hotel room. He was in the hotel room with 2 other people. Thomas Capehart and Ashley Smith. Thomas and Ashley supplied him with the drugs, and after this their story changes about 100x's.

The M.E. report said he had carpet burns and an abrasion on his head and face from being drug by his feet across the floor to the bathroom. Which she said was kind of common for overdoses, because people, being scared to call the cops for fear of being arrested try some pseudo science bs to revive people. The old myth of putting them in the shower. So apparently they drug him to the shower, got him in there, sprayed water on him, he didn't respond, they cleaned up the hotel room and left him there. He died sometime in the night.

The M.E. report showed that he had MXE and nicotine in his system, and due to any other glaring causes ruled his death as an accidental overdose to MXE. There is just one problem. The moment a person passes, their body stops breaking down any chemical in their system. The amount of MXE that was in his system at the time of death would barely be considered a threshold dose according to (I know not very accurate sources) places like erowid and stuff. The lethal dose was somewhere around 200mg, threshold dose being like 10mg or something. With this information, combined with the drugs halflife, lets say he did take a lethal dose. According to the lethal dose, and the amount in his body at the time of death, he would have lay there dieing for like 14 hours.

Its all speculation and no one really knows what went on in that room except he, his dealer, and his dealers boyfriend. The two he was with never called the cops or anything, drug him to the bathroom to try and sober him up, when that didnt work, they cleaned up the room, got rid of all identifying documents and left him to die. After much reluctance from the police, they were eventually charged with obstruction because they lied to the cops and got a year of misdemeanor probation. Get this though, in their testimony for obstruction they admitted to, to the courts, to multiple felonies. The DA said he knew Thomas, and Thomas was a good kid from a good family. Good ol boy favors. Thomas 2 months later had someone else overdose at his house and 2 months after that got caught with possession of MXE and herion in his house. Neither here not there.

As much as I want to blame them, and as much as im still livid about it, this post isnt about them. Its about bringing awareness to the dangers of addiction.

My brother is more than the sum of his past mistakes. He was fearless, brilliant, a beautiful soul who was taken too soon. He made bad choices and paid the ultimate price for it. If you or anyone you know has troubles with addiction. Please, please please, try everything you can do to get them or yourself.

The thing that could of saved my brothers life that night was the good Samaritan law, most states have one. If you are ever in a situation where someone has overdosed, do not be scared to call 911, because in the event you are saving someones life they will most likely not charge you for anything found at the scene. Thomas and Ashley testified at their obstruction court date that they were too scared to call the cops, so they ran instead. That cost him his life.

I love my brother, and miss him dearly. There isnt a day that goes by where I dont think about him and wish things could have been different. I hope this post helps someone. It sure helps me to talk about it.

RIP : Zachary Scott Grazier : To thine own self, be true.

Any money earned from this post will be donated to charity.

www.recovery.org/topics/addiction…overy-helplines/