I WAS RAPED

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I didn't know what was happening, but I knew that I was in a lot of pain and bleeding but he seemed to be enjoying himself. I told him to stop because it was so painful, but he kept going. I couldn't scream, So I just laid down with tears pouring from my eyes. I remember him telling me not to mention it to anyone, that i will be punished for it. My mum always beats me up for bleeding, so I felt that if I told her she would punish me for letting myself bleed.

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It continued for weeks. When I noticed that I stopped bleeding I wanted to tell her what my nanny was doing, whether it was okay or not because I felt I lot of pain anytime he did it. As I walked up to her, she was working on her laptop.
"Mum"
"Yes honey" she replied with her concentration fully on the laptop.
"I want to ask you something"
"Go on"
"Why do we have a male nanny, all my friends has female nannies"
"Well you will thank me when your father is still with us after many years and besides I'm protecting our family.
I didn't understand what she meant but I just accepted because she said she was protecting our family.

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I can still recall on the 23rd of July 2005, I was in my room and he came in with two of his friends from the neighbourhood. I knew what he was about to do but I didn't understand why he brought his friends alongside. As he was done I saw one of his friends unbuckling his trouser, I fainted.
I remember waking up in the hospital and I saw my mum and dad standing by me crying.
"Don't worry honey, they have been arrested"
I know my mother or father never wanted this for me but I still can't stop blaming them for not being there for me.

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I am presently 17 years old and I still go to the prison to ask him why. What did I ever do wrong to deserve it.