RIP Shanay

This is how the story goes: A girl named Shanay left her husband because he was abusive. Her family didn't know and didn't understand the reasoning for her leaving so they told her to go back. She did and he killed her, by accident.

This is probably what the story would have sounded like had she continued to listen to her family.

Okay, he did not kill her physically but more-so spiritually.

When your old self die you began to discover your new self. Sometimes in relationships and in marriages you lose yourself. You began to forget about taking care of something very important, yourself. This is the first time that I am opening up and being this transparent about my life situation writing as myself. Why now? I have no idea. I've wrote about it privately under pseudo names and yet I still feel that my story hasn't reached who it is meant to reach. I have always been a private person not really up for sharing my business. You know the saying, what goes on in your house, stays in your house. Why though? So many people have been in my situation and haven't made it to where I am. If I can help one person who is going through the same thing, then my story has not been told in vain. I saw a quote the other day on pinterest and I had to repost it. It said " Abusers are able to fool those outside of the home, because they usually abuse those inside the home". This is where I have received unsolicited advice, from friends, to family to acquaintances, telling me to go and get my husband back. They assume whatever it is couldn't possibly be that bad that we can't work it out, you know, for the kids sake. You have no earthly idea what it's like unless you've lived with me, to live with a person that you thought may kill you in your sleep is a horrifying reality. Although he only abused me when he was angry, I still found it unsettling at times to sleep at night time next to him. I stayed and each day, I knew I wanted to leave and was closer to leaving. Only two friends knew about the abuse from the beginning and I would tell them, one day I will leave, I was hoping he would change instead of forcing me to leave him. You can't expect someone to change when they truly do not believe you will leave.

I stayed a while because of love and because I didn't want my kids growing up in a single parent household. There's always those people who say, well there is always two sides to a story. True enough, I am not perfect by far. I have my flaws and my Issues that contributed to the detriment of my marriage. However, I never put my hands on anyone unless I was defending myself and even then I felt like I was poking an angry bear, so the majority of the time I would just take it, in hopes that I wouldn't fight back and die. This isn't to point fingers at my Ex neither is it to tear him down. I still believe he is a good person. My family and friends find it hard to believe that this nice guy, was also abusive. He didn't abuse me everyday and I think for the longest that was the reason I stayed. Slowly telling family about a divorce was hard. They didn't understand. They saw what they viewed as a perfect couple and a 'great guy'. Why was I leaving this guy because he was such a 'good guy'. They couldn't fathom that this guy was just detrimental to my very being. I don't care what family and friends say, they don't have to live with decisions that affect your livelihood but you. I had to come to the realization that family want to see that picture perfect couple thrive even if there is this unknown reality that this picture perfect is not so perfect. It's crazy because I am able to see so much more now than I ever have. Why RIP to Shanay? She was broken, she forgot who she was, she often forgot her value. So to the new me, the revamp Shanay, she's improved. She's happier. I am so sorry if my smile is more authentic than it used to be. I feel for the first time in a while, that I can truly LIVE. I know my family and friends mean well, they want to see a young couple thrive. Be careful what advice you give, you could be telling a fleeing woman to go back to her abuser.
To all of the women and or men who have been VICTIMS of abuse. You are worth so much more. Your life is far more precious than someone taking it for granted. Break the silence. We don't want to see another RIP because you loved him or her. True love doesn't abuse.

Disclaimer: I almost didn't post just because I wanted to protect him. Though he has received the necessary help needed so that he can become a better man for the next woman, I did not post this for any sympathy or for anyone to hate him. I don't hate him and could never hate him. So negative comments about the EX are not welcomed. He is still in my life and we have a mutual respect for each other. I only posted this because I truly wanted to help some woman who is in the same situation, find the strength to leave.