Abusive Marriages vs impact on children

I was in a abusive marriage for ten years, it was my second marriage.

The abuse was not just physical, it was mental and verbal as well. At the time I married this man, my daughter was ten years old. She saw what this man used to do to me, and before I could get out of this marriage, it was almost to late. My self confidence was stripped from me, I was dependant on this monster, who broke me down, bit by bit, made me feel worthless , needy and suicidal all the time.

He was an alcoholic and drug abuser as well, and had affairs with every other woman, needless to say my daughter and I went through a very very hard time. My daughter had to grow up very fast, as she had to pick up the broken pieces of her mothers life.

I feel so sad, that it almost took a tragedy to give me the strength to divorce this man, whom threatened my life if I ever left him.

I eventually divorced him about ten years ago. My daughter is now 25, and I have just spoken to her on the phone, and it broke my heart to chat to her and hear her real life challenges she still has to endure because of that toxic marriage I was in. Every Monday she still sees a Psychiatrist, (costs her R300) a time, She is still on anti depressants every day of her life, and she is still single, as she can not trust a man.

I have asked her forgiveness so many times, and she told me she has forgiven me a long long time ago, but I can not forgive myself. It breaks my heart to know that maybe my beautiful daughter will never know what love is, or have a happy and normal life.

This is my plight to you out there, whom is in such a relationship or marriage, and there are children involved. Please GET OUT NOW. Don't damage your kids any more mentally, they not as strong as you think. Don't think of your self, think of your children.