I'm a Drug Addict and I Need Help

I can't believe I'm writing this post, but I don't know what else to do.

I feel like an idiot posting this on the internet but maybe just getting this off my chest and letting it loose on Steemit might help me deal with it.

It feels like I've been living a lie. Like I've been keeping this dark secret from all my friends and family. I feel I let everyone down.

I know no one cares about random guy #456734 on Steemit, I'm just writing this for my benefit and maybe admitting it and letting it all out will help me get my life back on track.

I'm a junkie. I don't know how this happened. I don't know how I let it get this bad.

I was never into drugs. Apart from a few cigarettes (when I'm stressed), the occasional hallucinogen, and 2-3  red wines here and there (bottles), I've always been quite clean.

Everything was going ok. I was doing pretty well life-wise. I was happy. It's not like I was depressed or going through a rough patch or anything like that.

I had everything a person could want. Life was great, but I ruined everything.

It all started when I went to the supermarket one day. I was just a regular guy going about my grocery shopping, and then I saw this:

It's coffee in a can. The idea is you put one or two teaspoons in a mug and add boiling water. At the time, it made a lot of sense to me. I mean, it would save me a ton of money as I wouldn't be going to the cafe down the road anymore. Plus It would put an end to the Nespresso purchase I had been mulling over for a while.

On the can, it said, "Great for camping." I've been camping three times in my whole life, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I thought if I ever go camping again this coffee in can stuff might come in handy.

So I bought some.

Everything started out ok. I was putting the recommended two teaspoons in my mug. I found the drink to be a little on the sweet side, and the condensed milk was a bit much. However, when I drank it, the caffeine/sugar combination gave me quite the pick me up.

I felt extra motivation. I became more productive. I found ideas and theories coming to my brain as if by some supernatural communication channel.

However, after a few hours of consuming the drink, the sugar comedown would leave me quite worn out, and the caffeine made me jittery and unable to relax.

The solution to this problem I found was to have more of the drink. Another cup would have me up again scribbling down notes of new inventions and business ideas.

After a time, the benefits of the drink became less pronounced. I combatted this by upping the dose to four teaspoons per cup and upping my daily intake from four cups to six. This seemed to do the trick.

This went on for some time with the only draw down being some sleeping issues. When I woke up in the morning, I felt like a train wreck and had a thumping headache. I would have to immediately wash down two cups (8 teaspoons) of the drink to get my brain and body into gear.

It was one of these mornings that I noticed an occurring problem. Every time I would take the teaspoon from the can to the cup a glob of the brown goo would slide off the spoon and start squirming down the can. I would have to wipe the can every time with a tea towel and, as you can imagine, this one morning I find myself short of clean tea towels.

I had a thought. What if I lick the brown goo off the can instead of wiping it with a towel? 

If I could take a time machine back to that moment, I would. I'd go back and smack that can right out of my hand. I'd take my entire supply, all 14  cans, and throw them all in the local river. I would never lick that can.

But I did.

The combination of condensed coffee, condensed sugar, and condensed milk, was absolutely delicious. It was like a cafe and dessert store had both opened up for business in my mouth. Suddenly, the ideas/inventions powers came flowing again.

It all made sense. Why am I wasting my time putting the kettle on, boiling a bunch of useless water, and using a mug I would have to clean later, when I could just be eating the delicious brown goo straight from the can?

So I did.

Instead of consuming my two-morning cups over time, I shoveled eight teaspoons into my mouth all at once.

And I was on top of the world. I could do anything. Nothing was out of my reach. I was going to buy Bitcoin futures on Bitmex at 100X, short the living hell out of soybeans for some reason, and hedge the whole thing with Ukranian Hryvnia.

I was going to start an online home delivery Kamboucha store and live in Bali. I would buy an adventure motorcycle and ride it from Mongolia across the Siberian plains following in the footsteps of Ghengis Khan.

I would be like the great Khan. I would be the new Khan. I would send my great horde into Europe and lay waste to Moscow, Berlin, Paris, and London.

Two hours later I felt like four-day-old dog shit. It was dreadful, and I had actual real work to do. I couldn't concentrate, and I couldn't sit still. I had no choice I had to eat more of the goo.

Things got steadily worse. I found the constant visits to the fridge to access my cans to be tiresome, so I caved in and went about my days with a can on my desk.

I lost track of how much of the goo I was consuming, but I found myself going to woolies every other day and carrying 3-4 cans home with me in a pink Aldi bag.

One night I woke up at 2 am in abject terror. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I was overcome with fear. Pure fear. The world was about to end. My room was filled with doom. 

So I got up and ate four teaspoons of the goo, and the fear instantly subsided. I fell straight back to sleep.

That was rock bottom. That's when I knew I had a problem.

I want to quit. I want my life back. I want to be normal again. I wish I never messed with the Nestle demon. I've become someone else. I'm irritable, snappy, and my moods are all over the place.

I know it's not going to be easy. Recovery is going to be a long torturous road. Sadly, there are no rehabs or creepy twelve-step meetings for us coffee in a can people. Society doesn't accept us as real addicts yet. But I don't care I'm going to beat this!

I'm going cold turkey. This is day one.

Right now, all the words I'm typing on the screen are buzzing around and vibrating, which means the withdrawals are a good 2-3 hours away.

However, I'm going to be strong. I'm going to be me again, no matter how hard or how long it takes.

Thanks for listening.