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The Official @ActualAdviceBTC Guide to Profitably Trading Pump and Dump Shitcoin Ponzis

1. Never buy Litecoin. Or Ripple, Stellar, Bitshares -- including any 2013 BTC-e coins (TRC, FTC, NOV etc). They’re dead! It's like investing in cassette or VHS companies. Stop doing it; it's not even winners dumping on you, just lesser losers.

2. Only the Pump is real. Technology, hype, opinions, updates are all illusions to distract you from the only 3 variables that matter -- the firepower of the market makers, the current price, and the intertemporal imbalance of buyers vs. sellers.

   • As soon as at least 3 independent people mention lambos in the trollbox, begin unwinding your position immediately.

   • As soon as the twitter/bitcointalk/weibo account you followed into this trade talks about averaging down, begin unwinding your position immediately.

   • If good news comes out and there is no pre-news pump, begin unwinding your position immediately.

   • Only buy things with premines if it’s obvious the market maker has deep pockets, ample firepower, and hype is certain to reach traders beyond the bitcointalk/twitter esoterica.

3. Hype is hype, but some hype is cyclical or scheduled. Accumulate roughly 2-3 months before the hype event and sell 80% in the week before and the remaining 20% at newsbreak. You will not extract all the profit possible but your chances of loss will diminish greatly.

   • Seek out the village idiot and use him as a bellwether. If he doubles down, begin unwinding your position immediately.

   • If the hype bubble bursts and price falls more than 30% in a day, do not attempt to knife catch any dead cat bounces for at least 2 weeks and begin unwinding your position immediately.

   • If someone can’t shill at least two coins at a time, then they are a total bagholder and should not be trusted. Don’t trust poor people, they are poor for a reason.

4. Don’t buy anything written in shitty English with google stock photos or anything without an ANN post on bitcointalk.

5. Don’t buy anything that looks Russian (East European in general) or Indian. Chinese is okay, they execute blatant scammers (but not Big Vern).

6. Don’t buy shitcoins that claim to be building a service that will eventually use their currency. Only established services that seek to implement a shitcoin into their already existing economy are okay.

7. Don’t buy any shitcoins that are gaming, color, religion, country, politics, celebrity, or otherwise FoTW themed unless you have mastered the technique outlined in #2 and #3.

8. Don’t ever hold a coin longer than 6 months. There is something mentally wrong with you if you do.

9. Breaking the 100 BTC volume threshold will trigger most altcoin bots on yobit/c-cex/bittrex/poloniex.

10. Deduce which coins have a common marketmaker. For example, FCT, MAID, REP and BTS have the same ax MM (sorry for outing you, Boshen). Likewise, so do DGB and SC. They tend to move together, and if one lags then likely the laggard will follow the volume leader.

11. Buy anything that Barry Shillbert stakes his reputation on. It is almost guaranteed he will double down to save his ego.

12. Devs are the worst traders. Disregard any trading advice you get from a programmer unless it involves a fatal flaw in the code or a hidden premine.

13. Bitcoin maximalists would be the #1 worst altcoin traders if so many Devs weren’t also bitcoin maximalists. They are so bad it’s a profitable strategy to do the opposite of what they say.

14. The current altcoin totempole is: Livecoin → Yobit → C-Cex → Bittrex → Poloniex. Anyone that tells you otherwise is retarded or trying to scam you.

15. Buy whatever that actualadvicebtc guy tweets. He's soooo dreammmyy.