Thoughts on life, my MRI scan and actifit training: August 27 2019
Well, my friends, I got the pamphlet about my pending MRI Scans. 😓
At least one way or another I will find out what is wrong, if it is a tumour, what treatments are available and how long it will take until I can get back to work full time.
I do not believe in worrying, whatever happens, will happen and worrying won't change one iota of that. It will, however, drain you, it is a waste of creative energy. Worrying will do no good whatsoever.
At this point, I just want my life back. I want to go back to Turkey and Iraq, resume the Aid/education projects fully, get back to my aerospace work in the U.S, back to my other ventures globally. Being stuck here in Scotland has not done my psyche any good. I love my home country but I feel that it's no longer my home. Most people I knew are gone and I feel like a relic here.😢
On some level I am disappointed in myself that I was unable to fully fund the aid/education projects for refugees in my illness. My work requires a hands on approach, I am typically on a contract so do not get sick pay. It's the nature of things these days, crap pay, poor conditions, but I suppose many have it worse than me. At the moment, I am living on my own, in a run-down area, and until recently couldn't leave the home for long. I felt this isolation has had a knock on effect on my well being.
Depression and doubt have crept into my life, I doubt my actions at times, other times I feel depression creeping in. When I left the Armed Forces, I had a dark few years where I went down the sh*tter, hit drink heavily and turned into a bitter and nasty person. Hopefully, I will avoid that this time but I feel the depression clawing at the back of my mind, the doubt nagging in my ear.
At least, one way or another I will soon find out what is wrong with my health. I hope very dearly that it can be fixed and I can regain my life. 😊
Saying that, today's training was a 10 mile walk. 2 months ago I couldn't walk 12 meters... I got to about 6 miles, then noticed that actifit had not been started on my phone so I ended up having to restart the app. It was a typical hike, up a 14 degree slope, scramble through some trees, slip on some cowpat.💩😒
My advice to anyone who is looking to do a long walk is to make sure that you have good footwear, good shoes and socks. I tend to wear two socks, one thick and one thing, this helps stop blisters.
At the moment, I am not sure how HF21 is going to pan out. I'll give steem a few weeks to see how it goes, if I stay or go.
On that topic, I am thinking of doing a few short posts about my hometown, a few pictures of an area and talk about its history, maybe a few old pictures from 50+ years ago and now but delve into obscure areas that only locals know about.💭
Take care and have a great night 😁
I hope your MRI goes well! They can be loud and annoying but give good information.
I will be looking forward to your posts about the area you are currently living in. We wanted to visit Scotland this fall but unfortunately had some stuff come up that pushed that trip to the backburner.
Thank you. I'll try to write those posts sometime next week. I noticed that you guys had a great time with your highland games event. I hope that you were wearing a kilt, eating haggis and tossing a caber :D
We did have fun at the games! No haggis this year but much beer and @lordvdr wore his kilts. I think he would wear them every day if it wasn't so cold here in the winter. We watched our friends throw the caber and happily cheered all the guys and gals who threw and tossed stuff.
Plus a little beer. :)
best wishes for your upcoming MRI and a speedy recovery. 10 miles is a huge improvement upon 12 meters - congrats on that!
Thank you very much. I am just really frustrated and want to get back to normal. I feel like I am going nuts stuck in the house. Kinda want to get back to traveling and plotting to take over the world :P
i hope you're able to take over the world. earth would be massively improved if idiots weren't in charge. let me know when you start the revolution
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