#ULOG 8: Why being a doctor is no longer my dream

About a week ago, my friend asked me if I'd be taking the National Medical Admission Test (NMAT) this coming October. Below is a screenshot of our conversation on Messenger.

Friend: Are you going to take the NMAT this October?
Me: No.
Friend: Oh okay.
Me: I don't have the budget for it. I'll be taking the Civil Service Exam and board exam for now.

This was rather unexpected for someone who knew me since childhood.

I've always wanted to be a doctor. There was nothing else I could think of when people asked me what my dream job was. It all started with a toy store my cousin and parents visited when I was 8 years old.

We went to the mall to buy some groceries for the week; being children, a visit to the toy store was a must. My cousin and I happily strolled around the store, hoping to find something to take home with us that day even though it was obviously not part of the family budget for that week. There were typically a lot of dolls and stuffed toys, but what caught my attention was a toy doctor kit. Like other kids, my cousin and I ended up pleading with my parents to buy it for us - as expected, we bought two sets of it.

While it might seem to be mere child's play, I took it seriously. I decided that I wanted to be a doctor, and I told my mom about it. She was very supportive; I never heard any discouragement from her despite the many difficulties associated with it.

Throughout my grade school and high school years, my mom helped me with my studies – she made reviewers for my subjects, diligently asked me questions to make sure I was prepared for exams, gave me advice on how to ace quizzes and exams, and taught me to have faith in God whose plans are better than mine.

When I was about to take the University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT), I had to choose a degree which I'd pursue for the next four years. I selected Bachelor of Science in Nutrition from numerous premed courses, e.g. Biology, Nursing, and Pharmacy. The reason for this choice despite all the criticisms is that nutrition seems to be an overlooked aspect of medicine. As an old saying goes, "prevention is better than cure", hence I decided that having an in-depth knowledge of nutrition will allow me to treat patients more holistically.

Another reason is that this degree will give me a better prospect if I wouldn't be able to enter medical school right away. There are many job opportunities for registered nutritionist-dietitians (RND), i.e. in healthcare, community, and the food industry.

I knew that becoming a doctor wouldn't be easy. It was not an ordinary job or profession that would earn you money; it's a calling and not everyone is capable of enduring and persevering. If others wanted to be a doctor just for the prestige of having an "MD" at the end of someone's name, or for the perceived high salary of this profession. However, it should not be viewed this way. Patients are the priority of doctors, and they have to do everything to save their lives even if it means losing time to sleep, eat, rest, and spend with loved ones.

Knowing how difficult it is served to motivate me even more. I studied for longer hours, often until 3 or 4 in the morning. This was intensified when my mom got sick and I saw how healthcare professionals cared for her. I encountered many doctors; some of them were compassionate, others weren't. I admired those who were dedicated to their calling and I became determined to follow in their footsteps.

Years later, a lot of things happened and the unexpected occurred - I no longer thought of becoming a doctor. I still see how noble this profession is, but I no longer saw myself in it. My priorities changed; I thought that I could no longer make the sacrifices required of doctors. I realized that I could no longer dedicate a lifetime to studying and treating patients alone. I found a calling which deserves my time and life more.

This is a highly personal choice. I decided that I could still serve the people, particularly patients, as a nutritionist-dietitian. While this would not replace the care that doctors could provide for them, I saw how valuable each of the healthcare professionals are in the healthcare team, and that each has his/her own role to alleviate pain, and prolong and maintain the quality of life of patients. To cut a long story short, I realized that I could still care for patients, assuming a different role in the healthcare team.

All of this adjustment is because I want to dedicate my life to serving as a Christian, have a family, and raise godly children. While there are Christian doctors who can still serve in the church despite the hectic schedule, I cannot compare myself to them; the situation is different and God has different plans for each one of us. Thus, I realized that medicine is no longer for me. I want to dedicate more time doing things in the Church which I would not be able to do if I'd pursue medicine.

Proverbs 16:9
A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.