A letter to my neighbour

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                                Enough With Your Tall Dog and Untidy Dog
                            
        Dear Mr Simpson,

I have always felt annoyed living near to you. You are the most smelly neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your loud music.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too tall and your dog way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a hammer

I have to insist that you take action to stop your loud music from upsetting me. I demand that you rehome to dog then paint the fence.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your barking dog increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a peaceful neighbourhood like Rose Close.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your loud music on Goodreads.

Furthermore, I have close ties with gangsters and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks
schnotty