A short story.

I woke up one day to realise that this world is not what it seemed to be.

I woke up that day, it was 31st December 2009. We went to the beach that day, it was Christmas holiday and I lived in South Africa then. Far away from home, I found myself slaving in some graphic design studio as a junior designer. No overtime pay, long hours, felt exhausting after two years of doing that. They never tell you at University that the reality of this industry looks so different. I became a vending machine with a mouse clicking ability to the sound of screeching voices of my colourblind clients in the IT industry. What a joke.

It was so good to take a break. My life would be full of conflicts at the time and the beach seemed the only one thing that could ease the pain of the emotions within me.

They would play the Avatar in the Imax cinema in the evening so I decided to hit the theatre and relax even more into the holiday climate. The stress of past months, my husband leaving me and completely bailing on our relationship, somewhat started fading that day. I still hated him but buried the pain deep in my bones. God, if I knew how much it will cost my health in the future I would have probably reached out for a self-help guide or a therapist then. Well… there was weed at least, a good joint in the evening would temporarily sort me out.

Durban can be pretty hot, humid. I did not enjoy the stickiness on my skin. Felt dirty somehow, but maybe it was me who felt dirty after all these years of loving someone who turned around its own axis looking for approval and feeding his ego with the material pleasures…I wondered whether he ever noticed me. Or was I just another pair of sneakers for him. He fucking loved these sneakers. I always believed I would choose the right man for myself. I could not be more mistaken. The story of my life.

There was a pattern in the way I picked man. Always the charming and charismatic types, definitely intelligent, definitely sure of himself, confident. Smokie mirrors with the dancing shadows. Definitely turned into the self-centred, insecure, demanding, manipulating creatures somewhere on the way, the narcissist way of being. I was glad he was gone from my life and my heart would still dance to these shadows he left under my skin.

The beach was calm that day. I did not get bothered by the traffic of naked butts and bouncing boobs on the sandy catwalk. I enjoyed the sound of waves and laughter. I haven’t laughed for a while now.

Got my dinner and hit the theatre in the evening. The room smelled of cheesy popcorn. I will never forget that stench. It was only then I could smell it for the first time and wondered why do people stuff their faces with these toxins. Life is full of wonders. The sadness of my soul was floating above me and I surrounded myself with the fake laughter to meet all the social occasions as it was just appropriate. I could not stand that flipping word. Whoever came up with “appropriate" obviously lacked a sense of compassion towards themselves and own earthly experience.

The movie played and I opened my eyes to the reality that was beyond my imagination. The graphics were blowing me away and the idea behind the movie was drilling holes in my blacked heart to plant millions of seeds into the soil of my psyche. I received every frequency of this and embraced the message. I fought with them in their world against ours, the world that I lived in and suffered the cliche small talks, surface-like conversations about another stock market crash or clown politicians that promised to change the world for us but instead would fuck us greatly with no vaseline…this was the world I lived in and I did not belong to.

The Avatar took my heart, shot it out to centre of the Universe and I returned to work in January to hand in my resignation. Off I went to live my life. It took another 4 years of inner transformations and breaking off the chains of slavery before I hit the Amazon jungle and left the society behind.

I met the shamans there...I went to the spirit world with them. The Avatar was just an analogy to what I went through in the next few years. I found home there, beyond our world and at the centre of the Universe. I came back to bring a message...

Will anyone listen?