Heaven, Hell, Afterlife, Known, Unknown, I don't know

Losing my mother has made me angry, questioning things, asking that eternal question "Why?" I buried my mother a couple days ago. She was a veteran so she got the whole military funeral. My middle son received the flag. He was always my moms favorite, or at least the one who would spend the most time with her. Well I had a Deacon from my grandmothers (her mothers) church. I had it done because my mom believed in God, Heaven, Afterlife, seeing our loved ones again. Personally, I don't know what to believe in....

Do I think there is more to life than just this, yes. But I also don't believe there is a heaven as we know it or are taught. Being the cynical person I am, which comes from years of dealing with other peoples bullshit over and over again. I don't trust humans. Whenever shit goes wrong, or something dumb happens. My saying has always been "humans, pff." To me the bible or any religious text is nothing but the telephone game. I believe all those books are written to manipulate a truth, the truth, to benefit them and their thinking. But I do believe there is some truth. Something said by a good person that is meant to help the world to coexist. I loved when Mormons would come to the door. I would love to get into religious discussions with them. One of the things I would say to them is, "What if Jesus was just a man, a regular man going around just telling people to just be good." I would then tell them, "What if some guy just started walking down the street right now, preaching everything Jesus preached, telling everyone to be good." Then he told everyone, "I'm Jesus Christ." Would they believe him? No, they would eve say no themselves. He would be locked up for being crazy. So how is it people can go around, trying to preach the good word, when they have doubt themselves?

I guess what I'm getting at is everyone that has been telling me, "She is in better place," "She is watching over you," or "She is with god now." Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the idea, the kindness in which those words are spoken. I am not a person who would tell someone else how to believe. But when I hear them speak it, I don't hear the belief in their own voice. It just comes off as if they are just trying to be nice, or are conditioned to say that. I don't know. But I can't help to ask, "Did humans create religion to give themselves some comfort." Is religion something meant to comfort ourselves, give ourselves a reason to think positive, and less for our loved ones who are dead?

As I said before, I do believe there is something more to this. To me, it seems like everything happens for a reason. Now whatever that reason is, doesn't mean we will like it. But everything seems to fall into place. What makes me believe in something after life are ants. That's right, ants, those pesky insects. Do the ants in Los Angeles know about the ants in New York? Do the ants in Malibu know about the ants in San Bernadino? The answer is No. They are just trapped in the world they created, going about doing what they got to do everyday to survive. I think we are nothing but ants. Going about our lives, unaware of whats out there and after this.