On Not Changing Other People's Stances Through Force

Over recent years I have noticed a drastic shift in myself that has been rough at times, but really healing in a major way when it comes to meeting people where they're at..

You see, I used to approach this world, its various types of mania, its despair, its problems and its people with some kind of... fervor. I guess it's only natural when you recognize a problem most people have never heard about or seem to ignore, that you want to do your best in relaying it to others. And if they didn't see it - or even defended the very thing that is bringing themselves and everyone else in society hardship - I used to get very angry. Not outright mad at them, moving me to yell in their face or make a huge fuss about something, but more a certain kind of... attitude that would not help them one bit in seeing it, but instead cement their "misguided" view on things further, by bringing them into a position to defend the status quo out of the need to defend themselves.

And the more intensely I felt about something, the harsher the reaction would be. But of course, knowing I was "right" about this, I was concerned primarily with changing those people and their view on things, instead of realizing that this very attitude is what made the undertaking impossible.

We are human beings, we like to hang on to what we deem true. And if some guy comes along and - subtly and even arrogantly - pushes the idea that they are wrong about everything, it can only end up in energetic stalemate or even war, achieving the opposite of an opportunity to learn or relay something.

The reasons for my views hadn't changed, I often hoped that I had overlooked something they could point me to in our discussion so that I may revise my position. I felt I was open enough to do so, and the fact that I very rarely heard actual pro-status-quo arguments to my points only cemented my view further, with this underlying taste of "these people really have no clue".

And energetically in an exchange with someone else, people can smell that attitude. Even if they are not consciously aware of it and if it's not said outright in the way I formulated my critique of the current state of affairs or their belief systems, they knew.

It took me a very long time to realize that their view has merit to it, even and especially if it's totally fictional, pro-madness or just stupid (which is a sort of hippie-concept I will get into some other time).

It's not that we should consider all opinions on all matters equally, because some things are just plain wrong - often based on, say, a historical narrative that has zero evidence to it except for the persistence of the controlled mainstream media continuously peddling it so that people assume it must be true. An opinion is not automatically "valuable" just because someone has it. Everyone has opinions, completely regardless of how well-founded or ill-founded they are. And it's pure political correctness babble to somehow celebrate that as some kind of human progress.

BUT, instead of taking ill-founded opinions to heart and trying to change them with this fervor-laden stance, I have begun to realize the importance of giving little to no energy to their concept, rather than actively fighting it. Stupid ideas will run themselves dry eventually and focussing on my take on things - things I see as viable alternatives - without placing emphasis on how they are superior to the other individual's take on things or superior to the other individual - that works really well.

Maybe because it keeps the focus of attention on me, rather than projecting pressure unto them. It's the opposite of putting someone on the spot, it's more like pretending that what they just said has the value of a bird singing - it just IS but may not have particular importance, other than showing how multi-facetted human understanding and misunderstanding of topics and narratives can be (which in itself could be regarded as inspiring). "Wow dude, that is some far-out story you have there!", when someone claims how we live in a democracy and that the system-matrix is basically just. Of course I wouldn't say that to him, but see it that way, which he will feel - genuine fascination with the story he just shared, but maybe not for the reasons he first comes up with. It's the opposite of fighting his convictions, and if he thinks about the conversation later on he will notice that even I have probably heard somewhere that we "live in a democracy" and that he really hasn't told me anything nobody already presumes to know. Which will only increase his intrigue to how I see things, if we ever get a chance to follow up on the conversation at a later time).

There is no point in arguing with a 6-year old about how Santa doesn't exist. Rather I can tell the story of how I loved when I found out things "I had never heard before" about what "I always considered Christmas to be" has eerie parallels in pre-Christian rituals and traditions, how interesting it is to me that the Amanita Muscaria and its shamanic users wore the colors red and white throughout a lot of human history in many parts of the world, or how the calender we have today hasn't always been our calender - pointing to things anyone could easily look up even in "mainstream sources" provided they have the will to do so after our conversation (which will only happen if they felt heard and not fought against).

I find if I talk about my take on things without secretly wanting to change their take on things, they start to ask questions. Maybe because they feel I am not trying to shove anything down their throat, but rather feel like I am an interesting dude who found out stuff for himself they now have the chance to be in on "early" without committing to a new paradigm instantly or making any concessions to how I am somehow "right" and they are somehow "wrong".

If you stay with your own understanding and celebrate it without arrogance, instead of instantly negating their take on reality it can really help bring about a healthy conversation without the energies of war. And hence achieve what most "truthers" wanted all along - share their own life-changing insights with their loved-ones in a meaningful way that builds bridges instead of walls.

Enable love and emergence!

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