Too many words. Need to stop talking

Yes, yes you are splendid. And since you likely won't read all of this anyway, fuck it, let's go for broke. I've been stuck on you for what? A year or so? And yes there was the whole ***** scenario, but why the hell do you think I ran to you through all of it? And after it, before the dust even settled? Since we were damn kids, ****, I've always carried you with me. And I couldn't even begin to tell you how or why. And yea there was a quarter million loves in between and I'm sure they'll be another quarter million (or more, who knows) because that's who I am. And the most ridiculous part is that I've never felt like I was in love with you, but I've always thought about you. When I was with ***. when I was with ****. When I was planning the wedding, I wondered if I should invite you. Mostly because I'm a ridiculous human I suppose. I don't know. But I know that we're pretty good together. At least to me. And yea, sure there is fuck ton of shit about us that doesn't make any sense, and contradicts the other one, but so what? Not everything is supposed to be easy. You know that. And most things that are hard are the things that are worth it. And okay, so I'm crazy and irrational and fairly spontaneous which completely contradicts your safety zone of logic and planning and all that shit, but I'm fucking fantastic. And I'm (mostly) fun. And I'm caring and concerned. And I love hard and fierce because I don't know any safer or saner way. And I stress out easily, sure, but then I still handle my shit. It's not like I just completely crumble and give up. I don't give up (duh) it's just not in me. And I want to fight with you and for you. And for whatever us that could've been or could be. I want to be with you in every fucking sense of the word. Because, my god, it could be amazing. Or it could be a god damn shit show. Who knows? But I'm willing to take the chance. But hey, what do I know? I've always been too.... I dunno... careless/fearless whatever word I don't know. 🤷🏼‍♀️