The Dark Side Of Empathy

" The problems we face as a society and as individuals are rarely due to lack of empathy. Actually, they are often due to too much of it. "
― Paul Bloom, Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion

( I know this quote probably made you furiously raise an eyebrow or two. Yet I highly recommend you read Paul Bloom’s extraordinary book. Fascinating and eye opening from start to finish – I could not put it down. )

While I highly dislike the use of labels, if there is one that I actually like using to describe myself as a human being, it is the one of an empath. While it is a trait I would never want to not possess – it nevertheless has felt like a curse in disguise multiple times in my life. Even so that once my therapist told me: "But that’s not your responsibility Sabrina! You should not accept people’s vile behaviors because they once had been victims too. " Feeling with my heart rather than my head has worked against me time and again. It hurts to carry a heart full of love and compassion to give in a world that can be so cruel.

Some may stand with the belief that humans are inherently selfish beings by nature. Some may think that we are naturally drawn to exhibit empathy toward others. But the fact is that to the exclusion of psychopaths and sociopaths, most of all display both ways of being at a time or another. We can be empathetic in a particular situation, while refraining to be so in a circumstance that we deem uncomfortable/risky/difficult to handle, etc.

Like kindness, I am a firm believer that empathy has to be modeled to us from a young age as it is a healing antidote for humanity. Like a radio, empathy can be turned on and off. For best results, pump up the volume!

However, the uncomfortable truth regarding empathy is that too much of it can backfire. When you constantly put yourself in other people’s shoes, you risk losing your own. Yet I never liked the idea of being empathetic but in a selective way – that is, showing empathy solely to individuals you think are worthy of receiving it. I’ve always thought it went against the very nature of empathy. After all, isn’t often the ones who are the most difficult that need it the most?

Recently, I came across a tweet from Neil deGrasse Tyson who is an astrophysicist, and here is what he wrote:
In the past 48hrs, the USA horrifically lost 34 people to mass shootings. On average, across any 48hrs, we also lose… 500 to Medical errors 300 to the Flu 250 to Suicide 200 to Car Accidents 40 to Homicide via Handgun. Often our emotions respond more to spectacle than to data.

If you read Paul Bloom’s book, you will get a more in-depth idea of the different ways by which empathy can work against the ones who deploy it. Seen from another perspective, this example illustrates how our biases often work under our conscious radar. It also shows that our emotions rule our decisions, many of which aren’t rational when you come to examine them closely. The solution? I’d be tempted to say that by being aware of our biases, we can take their power away. Awareness is – and always will be – one of the biggest game changers.