I Want to Love Without Hope
Perhaps, the only way to love a person is to love without hope?
This is something that I don't want to admit for the longest time. Despite being anti-fragile, I know that it is hard to go on without being vulnerable. It is hard to go on without an inspiration. I'm afraid to be called needy because that's what the society labels those who are desperately calling for love. Days go by, I've shut myself inside, protected from the rest of the world. Emptiness is real and isolation is slowly killing me. I realize that I've built everything on an island. I can't go on being a castaway anymore. I want to love without hope in order to survive.
What does loving without hope means?
It is bravely being myself and shouting out to the world that I am only human. It's saying fuck off to those who judge, this is me now full of love. It is embracing love as it is. It's being in love with life as it comes. It is loving everything that comes with love - the thrill, the drama and the pain. It is loving without controlling. It is merging the freedom of two human beings and letting everything flow. It is loving freely despite the pain.
I know the feeling very well, it is hard to swallow when pain strikes my chest. I don't know if I want that feeling again. One day breaking down and crying hard, then being a monster again the next, unfeeling. I'm not sure if I want to go back to this psycho-cycle of love. I don't believe in this madness. I'm quite a skeptic of anything that feels good at the beginning. All it did was to tear my heart open and crush me into pieces. All my life, I don't know what love is, really, the world for me is nothing but a threat. I'm way more in love with my own narcissism and melancholy.
Yet, here I am, still wanting to love. However, this time around, loving without hope. Loving without hope is to take risks by loving dangerously. It is to love vulnerably with my heart on my sleeve. Sure, everything that comes with it will likely to hurt. It is not projecting the dark side, it is understanding the reality of loving truly, of loving freely. And to love without hope is to be open-hearted enough to be fine having my heart broken. It is loving again and again for as long as I live, until I am adapted to heartbreak. There's no use in protecting myself anymore. There's no use in trying to be hard because, in the end, only the hard ones break. The real strong are the soft ones, those who are courageous enough to love repeatedly despite the pain. Those who are courageous enough to admit that love is what they need and life does not make any sense without it.
This will hurt. Why prevent your heart from getting broken? Heartbreak is inevitable anyway. Who are you anyway? What makes you special from the rest? You are nothing but a human who needs love too. So perhaps, transform the pain into something that will make you stronger yet a person full of love. If life does not make any sense without a company, without love, then either get better adapting to its pain or don't live. What are you in this world if you can't love? You are just consuming the resources and nothing more. Your breath contributes to global warming. You only inspire others to be unlovable like you. Your misery is contagious. Don't lie to yourself, get over yourself. What good are you without love? Sorry but, you might as well be dead. It's better to -1 than add up to the world already full of bitterness. What the world needs now is +1 more love.
Can you love without an agenda? Can you really love without putting your self-interest first? To love without hope is to give what you can give because there's just no sense in living life without sharing. There's no sense in watching the beautiful sunset if no one is there to tell you how beautiful it is. There's no sense in keeping it all for yourself. The world does not need +1 more greedy of all life's beautiful moments.
Loving without hope is allowing others to love the way they must love. It's letting them be and seeing through all their shit. It's being grateful for the times together and accepting that even good things must come to an end. It is learning to let go when the time calls for it and courageously embracing the pain. It is learning how to move on and love again. Loving without hope means being Love itself.
I spent the first half of my life searching for love thinking it was somewhere out there. What I finally discovered was that all of our emotions are self generated from within. Other people, places and things are only the triggers for your emotions to come out of you. So it doesn't really matter if anyone loves you back, you are a self generating love machine full of love but you have to give it away in order to feel it. I think if you love without hope you will do more than survive, you will thrive. Everything looks better through love covered glasses......
So true!
Hi diabolika, loved your article, person can only empathise with someone when he/she themselves felt the pain, and I felt that pain in your article, and you made this pain your strength to pull others out of bad situations, thanks for writing.
I also wrote about love and relationships in my posts, would appreciate to have your inputs on the same.
Thank you so much for writing.
@wisestlivin
Thanks for dropping by. I will find time to check out your posts.
I think the best way to love is to love without expectation and to your hearts content without any restrictions. That way you dont feel like there's an internal strife within you.
Yes. You are LOVEly. You deserve to be loved. Your posts shine bright with the intensity of a thousand truths and the light is beautiful and blinding at the same time, like love itself... ;-) <3
You are always sweet!
Haha I have always said people have too much hope lol.
I think you are on to something here. All those hopes really do bring a lot of expectation and I think that is what causes a lot of problems in relationships.
Haha so true, people have too much hope lol!
In my 2 cents opinion it depends whom you love. If you love with people you apply without hope philosophy but uf you love with God you should remain hopeful.
Hello @diabolika, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!
Awww thanks @creativecrypto!
Lovely seen 😎😎
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I agree! Hope is also expectation, and where there is an expectation (positive or negative), this expectation comes with its own emotional baggage. This emotional baggage is not Love, although it may be dressed up as such.
For me, this is the crucial point. For me, Love is unconditional - and I know nothing else about it. However, I can easily test any scenario, feeling, situation etc to see if this attribute of unconditionality is present. If it is not, then the whole thing is about something other than Love, regardless of what is said, done or how the situation may appear.
I see this too in my own life. But I also realise that 'falling in love' - the romantic fairy tale, has little to do with Love, and more to do with other things that are dressed up as Love, but which are clearly something else - such as the desire for emotional comfort and security, longing to be understood etc, not to mention a million other subtle manifestations of one's own Control Issues and trauma manifests.
What 'Love' is or may be is not something that can be put in words - thought is too narrow to confine it without severe distortion. However, it is possible to approach it in the negative, ie by discarding what it is clearly not. This allows the sacred eternal mystery of 'Love' to reveal itself.
Such is my experience anyhow, I cannot speak for another, nor for the phenomenon of 'Love' itself, which, as mentioned, is ineffable.
Thanks for your heartfelt post @diabolika, I think a big part of the game of life is to transcend our social, mental, emotional, psychological conditioning, to see that we have been making ourselves miserable over the lack of something that is actually universal and ever-present. After all, unconditional means that you don't need to do anything at all, or be anything at all, to deserve it and have it. This I find a very pleasing thought.
Namaste! 🔆